*When there are multiple moms in the house, you know where the apostrophe goes.
Brittany: Still chatting today?
Angela: I can if you can!
Brittany: That's cool. I'm ignoring social media, but chatting for the blog is different.
Angela: True. Have you gals done big Mother's Day stuffs?
Brittany: We did some gifts. We're going out for dinner later, even though it'll be busy. Happy mothers' day, btw. :)
Angela: Thank you! Happy Mama's Day to you, too! We took my MIL out for breakfast at Golden Corral, and then we plan on getting Mexican for dinner after hubby gets off work, where I fully intend on having a margarita. Other than that, just chilling and abstaining from housework.
Brittany: Yeah. Haven't really done much housework either. Just being lazy for the most part, though I talked to my aunt earlier.
Angela: Oh, that's nice. For the Quitclaim other connection and all.
Uhh...
Ok, let's try again
For the *mother connection
Wtf autocorrect
Brittany: Lol. That autocorrect fail is pretty impressive.
Angela: Right?? And probably could only happen to someone in the legal world who has been known to type "quitclaim deed" on occasion. #legalasstproblems
Brittany: I figured you were just messaging someone else, and sent it to the wrong person.
Angela: Lol, nope.
Brittany: I've done it. Thankfully nothing overtly sexual has been sent to the wrong person so far.
Angela: My (female) coworker once accidentally sent a pretty lewd text to another (thankfully female) coworker. It was meant for her boyfriend. She was mortified, but really just relieved it didn't go to her boss. 😂
Brittany: Lol
Angela: But, so, your aunt is doing well, I assume?
Brittany: Yeah. She seems pretty happy in AZ, even though she's from the north like basically everyone I'm related to. She was living in WI until recently.
Angela: I don't think I could live in the Southwest, but if you like an arid climate and some pretty rad native desert art, it's pretty awesome.
Brittany: I enjoyed my time out there last year, but wouldn't deal with the summer heat well at all.
Angela: Right. Me neither. I think I told you about the month I lived in New Mexico when I was pregnant with my first... Worst. Month. Ever.
Brittany: Yeah. Not the best time and place to be pregnant, I imagine. Though, I feel for anyone with similar timing here, too.
Angela: Exactly. It was hot, everything felt dusty, all the roofs were flat everywhere (these are the weird things that bother you when you're hormonal, lol), it was hell. 😂
But yeah, Oklahoma summers suck ass, too. And are more humid.
Brittany: I remember how dusty I felt when I got home. We had gone from NM to here in one day, and it was a lot hotter coming back.
Angela: Ew
Brittany: I got all these hugs and such, even though I had to smell terrible though.
Angela: You know that's love. 😂
When was this?
Brittany: I got back May something. Maybe the 8th, or right around then.
Angela: Wait... this past week??
Brittany: Last year.
Angela: Oh, lmao. I was so confused!
Brittany: Maybe I had some history of wandering when my mental state is sketchy, but I think I've outgrown it. I don't like the idea of wandering off from my family either.
Angela: That's how you know they're your people.
Brittany: True.
Angela: Speaking of family, last time we talked, you mentioned being "demi-sexual." I know you had a recent breakup that was pretty hard on you. Do you think it was because of this orientation? And how did that affect your long-term partners?
Brittany: I think that made it harder than it would've been otherwise. For me, I'm usually not going to sleep with someone unless I feel pretty stable about the connection. Wasn't feeling sexual at all for a while after that, but Trisha and Michelle understood, even if they were starting to get worried for a bit since me not being sexual with them is generally unusual.
Angela: Idk if this is getting too personal, but do you feel like it affected your feelings toward them at all, even if just temporarily?
Brittany: My trust basically disappeared for a little bit. I kind of struggle with believing people love me when they claim to anyway because I've had some experiences with words and actions not matching up. So it was hard on everyone.
Angela: Sounds like it. But this, I imagine, is the advantage of a good, healthy poly relationship. They know you well enough, and are secure enough in themselves, to ride this out with you.
Brittany: Yeah. I'm glad I have them in my life, and that things are as stable as they are.
Angela: Do you feel like you're still reeling from that breakup?
Brittany: A little. And today doesn't help. Still getting used to not having a mom on this day, and Cindy is a mom. I figured she'd be around today at some point, but that isn't happening.
Angela: Ah, yeah, I understand.
Brittany: I sort of feel things more intensely than most people. That's not helpful at all.
Angela: Yeah. That makes it hard.
Brittany: I really thought it going somewhere too, but clearly not.
Angela: Right. I think, for anyone, it's so much more difficult to process when there didn't seem to be any reason for the breakup, when there didn't seem to be any real problems to blame it on.
That's just human nature, to try to understand why.
Brittany: I guess I'm getting better, but it just opened a flood gate of all this other bullshit. That isn't her fault, but I'm kind of all over the place emotionally compared to normal.
Angela: Right. I think that's also normal. As we get older, every new experience relates to past experiences in some way. We can't help but compare things, you know?
Brittany: Yeah. I had everything so neatly packed away, but maybe I shouldn't do that. Going to call around for a therapist tomorrow, and go that route.
Angela: That's a good idea. It can never hurt to get some pro perspective.
Brittany: Yeah. Same thing I tell other people, but not so much myself before.
Angela: Especially since you have to listen to other people's problems all day. You need some space to talk about and deal with your own.
Brittany: Yeah. I can talk to Trisha and Michelle about things, and I do, but I think I need to talk to someone who does what I do, and I'm not in any kind of personal relationship with.
Angela: Right. A totally neutral person. With training.
Brittany: Yeah.
Angela: I started seeing a therapist, too. There's just too much to deal with in the world. It's hard to process and respond to things in a healthy way.
Brittany: Yeah, and it's not unusual for us to see each other, too, so I'm trying to not have hangups about it, or what certain parts of my mind might try to say about what it says about me professionally.
Angela: Psh, it says you're self aware enough to recognize when you need to get in to see "the doctor" and not let things get out of hand. That means you know what you're doing.
Brittany: Yeah. That's what the rational part of my mind and other people say, so I just try to listen to that. As opposed to the impostor syndrome part of my mind I deal with frequently.
Angela: Yeah, I get that. But a surgeon can no more operate on herself as you can objectively counsel yourself. As you know. I get imposter syndrome, too (about writing, my day job, parenting, being a good social/environmental citizen, etc). I think most people do.
Brittany: Yeah. Maybe not most, but it's common enough. Seems like I've always had a tendency to doubt myself almost as much as I doubt everyone else.
Angela: It seems to be a pretty common thing with writers, at least. I know that.
Lol, that makes a lot of sense, actually.
Brittany: Things to talk about with my future therapist lol
Angela: (simultaneously) So it seems like trust issues are going to be a big topic in your therapy sessions.
Lol!
Brittany: Yeah. There are a ton of ways to give someone trust issues.
Angela: I think trust and control are at the base of most psychological issues.
Brittany: True.
Angela: Therapy is good, though. But it takes soooo loooooong.
Brittany: Yeah. Most of my clients are pretty long term, save for court order situations where they just do enough for that, then disappear.
Angela: Idk if it's like this with everyone, but it seems like it's taken me months just to get down to some real issues.
Brittany: It varies. Some people know exactly what their issues are, like me, and some are a little more hazy.
I think for me, I just need someone neutral to help me process, and I'm not neutral. Neither is Michelle, obviously.
Angela: Right, of course. Is Michelle a therapist, too? I think I remember you mentioning something like that.
Brittany: Yeah. We met in grad school, actually.
Angela: That's right. I remember now.
Brittany: People comment about her age compared to mine sometimes, but I'm like "She wasn't the youngest I could've met in a place like grad school though, so whatever."
Angela: How old is she again? Regardless, she's still a grown-ass woman, so whatever.
Brittany: She just turned 29 last month.
Angela: Oh she's almost 30. Y'all are fine. 🙄
Brittany: Yeah. We'll never be in the same decade, but that's fine. It's not like I'm dating, say, a 19 year old, which would probably be a disaster.
Angela: Agreed. I am sort of against our age group being with anyone with the word "teen" in their age. And I kind of think, once you hit your 30s, they should probably at least be old enough to drink. 😅
Brittany: Same. At my age, a 19 year old doesn't look much different from a 15 year old, so it skeeves me out a little when I hear about some middle aged person, usually a man, dating someone who has been adult for 5 minutes, usually a woman.
Like, just buy a red convertible dude.
Angela: Exactly. Plus, um... my eldest son is 21 now, so yeah...
Lol, right???
You can't emotionally scar a sport car
Brittany: Yeah. Though my dad is 70, and has a car like that. I remember him saying "AOC is interesting to look at" but that he doesn't like her when he was probably drunk on his birthday. Gross. That's when I left lol
Angela: Lol, yeah ew.
Brittany: That's 51 years. 41. I like to think it was just the booze talking since he's never said that in front of me before, but who knows.
Angela: That's way too many years. 😳
Brittany: Yeah. We're 41 right now.
Angela: Exactly. AOC is in her 20s.
Brittany: 29. We watched Knock Down the House on Netflix last night, so I remember specifically from that.
Angela: That's right. I want to be her when I grow up.
Brittany: I don't think I could tolerate being in politics, let alone running for election.
Angela: Well, ok, I don't want to do her JOB, but if I could be her with all her energy and education and brains and then just be an activist or something? That would be frackin' cool.
Brittany: Same. At 29, I wasn't particularly remarkable, or really even stable.
Angela: Same. I mean... I might have been stable-ish mentally, but I get negative points for horrible taste in men, a terribly overactive savior complex, and lack of personal motivation.
Brittany: Seems like my taste in men was shitty, too, maybe because I didn't know I was lesbian at the time.
Angela: Lol, right? You can't really blame yourself for not knowing how to pick good men when you were messing with the entirely wrong demographic. 😂
Brittany: Yeah. At least I have relatively good taste in women.
Angela: You seem to have excellent taste there.
Brittany: I managed to go from 2011 to 2019 without any bad romantic choices. Here's to hopefully more than another 8 years.
Angela: 🥂
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