Chat: Privilege, Politics, and Some Handy Memes for Snowflakes! ❄️

In which Brittany and Angela discuss life stuff, random FB messages from strangers, political daydreams, and how to define privilege for the privileged. 

Angela: So, what's been going on with you?

Brittany: Not too much today. Charity had her first date Friday, which apparently went pretty well. The rest of us had sushi that night because Kiara was like "I don't have a date. We should get sushi." Flawless logic, obviously.

What's been going on with you?

Angela: Lol! I like how that kid thinks.

Me, just doing the working mom going to school shuffle. I'm done with my 8 week course, though, and so I just have to focus on English Comp for the rest of the semester.

Brittany: Yeah. Political science, right?

Angela: Yes. Thinking of maybe double majoring in environmental science. Because I'm apparently insane.

Brittany: Double majors are a lot of work, but that fits you.

Angela: Yeah... I'm both excited by the prospect and terrified. Lol

But didn't you and your gals just go on a trip somewhere?

Brittany: We went to Austin City Limits. Just Trisha, Michelle, and I. The girls stay at their dad's when we do that. It was fun, but also sort of exhausting as usual. Got to see The Cure, and a bunch of other bands.

Angela: Fun! Was it just the weekend?

Brittany: 10 days, with the weekend being at the end. Between ACL and having teenagers, I'm actually pretty current on new music too. And they have a feminist book store out there, so that's where I bought the Tegan and Sara book and a few others.

Angela: Oh, that's neat. Austin is fantastic.

Brittany: Trisha and I started going in 2012, early in our relationship. Now Michelle goes too. Sort of a tradition every October now. Early October, sometimes the last couple days of September since we do more than the weekend. Tegan and Sara actually played that year.

Angela: I know they're one of your favorite bands. I saw your informal review of their book. Made me want to read it. 😊

Brittany: They have been for a long time. Did you order it?

Angela: No, not yet. But it's on the list

Brittany: I keep a list on the computer. Like my Netflix list, it's totally out of control now, and I'll definitely never complete it.

Angela: Lol, yes. There are so many things people say, "You haven't read/watched that yet??" Like, dude, we have the entire internet at our fingertips. There is too much stuff to get to. I can't experience it all.

Brittany (being random): LMAO. So one message from some random dude got through. So I decided to look at message request, and there a few more messages from dudes, and one from a couple.

Angela (recalibrating for random subject change): I assume these are all people you don't know?

Brittany: Look at your message requests. Then go to the filtered ones. You might find a ton of useless messages. And yeah. No mutual friends or anything. At least FB filters most of them.

Angela: That's effing weird. What do they want from you?

Brittany: It's all like "Hey" and being waved at, and other insanely creative things from people who have the conversational skills of, I don't know, a fucking brick or something.

Angela: Amazing. I'm scared to look at mine. I might die of boredom.

Brittany: Most of them are old, but the one that got me interested in looking was from today.

Angela: The one that just said, "Hey?"

Brittany: Yeah. But I know what it means when a man says "hey" to some random woman on the internet. It's just like, this isn't Tinder, bitches. Then again, I guess FB has a dating thing now.

Angela: Idk anyone who uses the FB dating thing. Lol

Brittany: I don't think I do either.

Angela: Poor Zuckerberg. I bet he's sad.

Brittany: Yeah. And Elizabeth Warren is so mean to him. I hope he has the inner strength to persevere.

Angela: Right?? AOC was pretty brutal, too.

Brittany: Yeah. I watched that one. I hope she makes it to president someday.

Angela: Same. (she says wistfully)

Brittany: For now, I waver a little between Sanders and Warren, but generally favor Warren.

If she wins, I get to be like "LOL 'Pocahontas' beat your ass, you dumb cheese covered cracker motherfucker."

Like I really need that to happen or I'll be sad.

Angela: Lol, right? I don't blame you. I especially want to see her publicly use the word "motherfucker." The headline would read: "Liz Gets Real" 😂

I saw a pretty convincing article from Time proposing they team up in the same ticket and I got all excited.

Brittany: I read that article when I saw you posted it. I'd love that ticket.

Angela: I really and truly believe if they teamed up they would be unstoppable.

Between her supporters and his, we'd have the election in the bag.

Brittany: That would be the ticket I'd be more excited about than any I've seen in 2 decades and change of voting.

Angela: Fact, same. I hope they're listening. I can't imagine who either of them could pick for VP that would make a better ticket than this. Or even as good.

Brittany: I mean, I don't hate Biden or anything. He's not a shitty person. Getting high with him and joking about how we can't remember shit would probably be fun, but I don't want a centrist for prez.

Angela: Lmfao! I kind of miss the days when he was just an adorable meme.

Brittany: The Obama/Biden memes were fucking hilarious.

Angela: Yep. Some of my very favorite of all time. 😂

And, you know, I was about to say we should get back to a trans-focused topic, but who am I kidding? Politics is, unfortunately, very important for trans rights. Both Bernie and Elizabeth want to abolish ICE, for starters.

Why ICE is bad and should be abolished, Exhibit A:

https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/adolfoflores/ice-surveillance-video-transgender-asylum-seeker?fbclid=IwAR23KYtRnIHkEZjHetuI4aWzk9MRPQ1OXLmZP4mhv-04ElggKENyAWIWric

Brittany: I guess so. At the end of the day, I want Trump out, and will vote accordingly. Clearly he's elevated beyond his level to function, and it fucking shows.

Yeah. I'm on board for abolishing ICE.

I found this meme on a friend's page. It's pretty accurate.

Angela: Ha! That's perfect. Trump's incompetent. And he has Pence directing his LGBTQ+ policies

Brittany: But there's no mystery surrounding what dumbass put him up there. Electoral college, obvi.

Angela: Right, sigh, I'd like to abolish that, too.

Brittany: Same.

Angela: The Elecoral College has really just become the Conservative Election Crutch.

Seems to be the only way they can win anymore.

Brittany: Right. They never evolved beyond their antiquated social attitudes, for one thing. There aren't that many GT Bynums so far. Without the EC, I imagine the party would effectively die outside of the local level.

Angela: Yep. And then we'd just have the Moderate (aka Centrist) Democrats and the Progressives. That is a 2 party situation I could deal with. Like, everyone agrees that everyone should all have the same civil rights, but we just disagree on economics, really. Centrist Dems are the hard core capitalists (what used to be called "fiscal conservatives") that want to ease everyone into slow, incremental change, and the progressives are all, "fuck that, people need this shit now." Check your box. 😂

Brittany: I'm tired of slow, incremental change. I'm too fucking old for this slow crawl I've been watching my whole life.

Angela: Yuuuuup. But that's what a lot of super privileged folks don't get. When you are being adversely affected by certain societal issues, incrementalism feels like nothing happening at all. You're still suffering. What change? Incrementalism only makes sense to someone who doesn't understand that suffering. In other words, it's a lack of empathy. 😕

Brittany: Yeah. That can be hard to explain to some people. You tell them being cis, het, and white makes their lives easier, and the tears just start flowing.

Angela: Haha, yes! It's so frustrating. Like, no one is saying you don't experience stuff that sucks. We're just saying marginalized people experience all the sucky things that you do in addition to all the sucky things they have to experience because they are marginalized.

Brittany: And they call us "snowflakes." LOL

And one more for shits and giggles. 

*Disclaimer: The "staff" of Becoming Brittany did not create nor do they own any rights to the memes posted here. We just think they're rad. Feel free to grab* and share freely. 

* The memes. We mean grab the memes, not people... unless they give consent. Thank you.

Bitches Be Cray

LOL. I'm bitches. If the title made you think I was going to throw a bunch of shade, and that excited you, I'm so very sorry.

I haven't been super open about my mental health issues in recent memory, in part because I'm currently a trauma therapist who spends her days helping other people with their mental health issues, especially trauma related issues. And maybe, at least in the context of my career choice, I get into this bullshit line of thinking that it makes me weak or a less skilled therapist, even though I actually fucking know better. If anything, maybe I should be more open about my experience as a mental health professional and someone who has mental health issues. It's actually not that uncommon for therapists to see therapists.


I'm diagnosed with Bipolar Type 2, PTSD (a product of being a rape survivor in my case), and Generalized Anxiety, for which I take prescription medication. I'm also a survivor of my own suicide attempt (June of 2010). I sometimes get referred to as "high functioning" because my symptoms are usually well managed, and I can generally do what I need to do in my life without obvious impairment, but I personally hate that term. The opposite of that would be "low functioning," which you can't say without sounding insulting. I also don't like the implied value judgments. If I can be productive, which is pretty over-valued in this capitalist society, what are "low functioning" people, like some of my clients, who are on government benefits and/or being supported of by people who love them? Useless fucking garbage? If that's how you see it, you're an ableist prick, but congratulations! You can unlearn that if you want to, and not be an ableist prick for life. Not all disabilities are visible, but they are all valid. I don't want to be your inspiration porn, and I don't want people with more obvious impairment to be further stigmatized because you think they're "lazy," "dangerous," or "faking it" to game the system. I am inherently no better than the person on disability because their struggles with schizophrenia make it impossible to hold down a job.



Recently, I decided to check myself into inpatient psychiatric care because my depression and anxiety were getting so bad and dragging on for so long, I was bordering on suicidal, and realized my drugs weren't working properly anymore. I guess I wasn't "high functioning" then, huh? The meds have since been readjusted. Fortunately, I have a pretty decent amount of sick time, and good insurance. As is pretty typical for most people, my stay was a few days. The idea is to get people out of crisis, stabilized on any medication, and ready to go back into the world and cope. Mostly it's boring, but there are therapy groups and doctors.


Fortunately, I have a pretty great support system with my partners, family, and friends. That isn't something everyone has. My partners always have my back, and came to visit every day. I also felt really loved, and I sort of forget I'm loved sometimes, by them and by the friends who sent me messages, texts, and snail mail. I actually decided to put things like that in a visible place. Maybe it'll help me remember.


Self care is also a must. That's a good idea if you don't have mental health issues too, but that much more crucial if you do. I have to make an effort to stay on top of that and not feel selfish for it. That looks different for different people, but can be anything that isn't harmful (Getting shitfaced isn't generally something to do as self care). For me, it's taking some time to myself, reading, gaming, gardening, sometimes writing. It can be anything you enjoy that helps you wind down.



Given all the stigma still surrounding mental illness, it's no wonder a lot of people don't talk about it, despite how common it actually is. Too many people still think those suffering from mental illness are violent, abusive, dangerous people. The reality is people suffering from these issues are far more likely to be on the receiving end of violence than be the ones committing violent acts. Everyone on the right AND the left loves to cry mental illness when some piece of shit goes on a shooting spree, but I rarely hear an actual, official diagnosis. The primary issue isn't "mental illness," and it isn't simply the existence of guns, either. The issue is toxic masculinity and who has easy access to guns. Maybe you've noticed the rarity of female shooters? Women aren't immune to mental illness, yet it almost never happens. Most of these men also tend to have known histories of misogyny, bigotry, and often domestic violence. Being a sexist, abusive pig isn't a mental illness in and of itself. It's a fucking character flaw. Domestic abusers shouldn't have easy access to guns. As a culture, we also need to stop raising our boys to bottle up their emotions until some of them inevitably pop, all because they're being told any expression of emotion other than anger is a sign of weakness.



This political climate certainly doesn't help matters, with me or anyone who sees it for what it is. To say having a shitty government directly causes mental illness on it's own would be a little ridiculous, but watching the world burn in this dumpster fire can certainly exacerbate any issues, and trauma can and does certainly happen in a climate where gun violence, racist violence, rampant hate speech, and climate change related catastrophes are on the rise. If seeing children in cages in the concentration camps at the border doesn't horrify you, you're probably a shitty person. If you personally have children of your own, and it still doesn't horrify you, my best guess is you're a psychopath, but I'm not here to diagnose my followers. Watching the aspiring dictator and his administration alienate us from the whole world (accept other dictators, who he seems extremely comfortable with) and anyone who doesn't look like their ideal version of America, fuck over LGBTQ+ people every chance they get, fuck over poor people every chance they get, strip environmental protections as though we have some sort of backup planet to go to, moving to criminalize protests, and constantly gaslighting the whole fucking country while he's at it, it's really no wonder anyone with the ability to empathize might be dealing with increased anxiety and depression right now. It affects me. It affects quite a few people I know. And it affects my clients.


As long as we collectively keep viewing people with mental illness as dangerous, faking it, or useless, it's going to continue to be difficult for people who need help to admit they need help, access that help, and be able to speak their full truths. In some ways, we have to "come out" if we want to speak our truths and be openly our full, authentic selves. It's not so different from coming out as queer or trans, and none of that should be so daunting in a supposedly modern, evolved society, where practically anyone can hop on the internet, spend a little while educating themselves about the experiences of people who are different from them, unlearn the biases they have, maybe even talk to someone they know who is comfortable educating (It's highly unlikely that you DON'T know anyone at all who suffers from a mental health issues, but if you have shitty, uninformed opinions about such things, they might not tell you about it), and stop contributing to the stigma surrounding mental illness and so many other natural variations that exist among humans.


With Love,
Brittany

Pride Month: The Mental Health Chat

Angela:  How have you been doing?

Brittany:  Better in general. You?

Angela:  Well, fighting off another migraine. The excedrin didn't work, so now I'm waiting for the sumatriptan to kick in. It's fun times.

Brittany:  Seems like a lot of people I know get migraines pretty often 😞

Angela:  Idk what it is. Seems to be more common these days, yeah. Especially in women. ... climate change maybe? I know that might sound like a weird stretch, but barometric pressure can affect it and allergens, so... *shrug* I just know it sucks.

Brittany:  Maybe climate change very indirectly, because of the pressure or increase in allergies.

Angela:  Right, that's what I mean. That and increases in stressors because gestures at everything.
I also know a lot more people having breakdowns and having to go on psych meds. Just like within the past year.

Brittany:  Yeah. This president is turning the whole world to shit.

Angela:  Fact. The world is too integrated now for us to keep it contained.

Brittany:  Yeah. I take breaks from the news sometimes, but still, it's not like I forget what's going on.

Angela:  I know. Not like you even could.

Brittany:  Maybe it was a factor in my latest breakdown. I wouldn't say it's a cause in my case since I haven't experienced any directly related trauma so far, but watching all this certainly doesn't help.

Angela:  I think watching and not being able to do anything about it, at least not immediately, can be it's own kind of trauma. That sense of helplessness. Idk. At least that's what gets to me a lot of times.

Brittany:  Same here. And I have a feeling dems are going to fuck this up again, and it's going to be another 4 years of this insanity.

Angela:  I just... I can't imagine we can be that stupid! All we have to effing to is 1. Vote, and 2. Not alienate independents. Like, it can't be that hard! This man is a monster!

Brittany:  I'm still all about Warren, but to be fair, I'd vote Biden over Trump because I'm generally a pragmatist, but a lot of people I know probably wouldn't. But I hope it doesn't come to that. I really want to interrupt the man show in general, but if it's going to be a man, I'd like it to be Sanders.

Angela:  I mean, I'm not gonna vote for Biden in the primaries. But that's what primaries are for. For picking a candidate to represent the party. And I don't understand why he would win that nomination at this point, but if he does, of course I'll vote for him over Trump. I'll vote for a turnip over Trump!

Brittany:  No shit. I see my dogs dump poops in the yard that would make better presidents than Trump.

Angela:  FACT. #DogDumpPoopsForPOTUS2020

Brittany:  I actually have a mental health post mostly written. Figure I might add to it after this, but it's close to done.

Angela:  Oh, great! I haven't gotten back to my rant yet, but I will. Just been all over the place lately. But your post is more in line with what we wanted to focus on this month, anyway, with everything that's been going on. So let's talk about that.

Close friends know you had (popular term) a breakdown a few weeks ago and admitted yourself into the hospital. Do you want to describe what happened? Where you were, mentally, at that time, and why you felt you needed to check yourself in?
(And I know that's a heavy jump-in, but I really feel talking about this stuff is necessary to normalize it, yanno?)

Brittany:  It was more depression than anxiety in that case. Like I would be depressed and seem to get better, but kept getting deeper and deeper into the depression. It got to the point where I was borderline suicidal. I didn't have that intention, but thoughts were enough to tell me I needed more help than what I could get from my personal life or therapist. Depression and anxiety are nothing new to me, but I was on the same meds for years until they weren't enough anymore.

Angela:  Did they do a med change in the hospital?

Brittany:  Yeah. Fortunately it seems to be the right change. Plus they have groups and therapists and such in those places, but mostly it's actually dreadfully boring.

Angela:  Lol. How long were you actually there?

Brittany:  Just under 4 days. It's generally a short term solution meant to get people out of crisis and back to their lives.

Angela:  Right. Did that affect you at all professionally? I know you've had some issues feeling like you should be able to "handle things better" being a therapist yourself. But were there any other issues with you missing work or anything?

Brittany:  Clients had the option of rescheduling or seeing someone else that week. No one at work seems to have an issue, but maybe that's obvious there would be less stigma. It was mostly me feeling like I must be a shitty therapist if I can't even keep myself out of crisis. I know that's bullshit, but still.

Angela:  That makes sense there would be less stigma. And a good thing, too.

Brittany:  Technically I'm diagnosed with Bipolar 2, generalized anxiety, and PTSD. My own issues are why I decided to do what I do (become a therapist), which isn't an unusual motivation.

Angela:  True. I know these kinds of mental health issues are also fairly common in the lgbtq+ community, largely due to social stigmas and discrimination issues people face a lot.

Brittany:  That's true. And we're more likely to to face sexual assault and other types of violence than the general cis het population, so there ends up being more trauma.

Angela:  That's terrifying. :(  And then, because of discrimination and not yet having any federal protections, so many people don't have decent jobs that provide good healthcare, which cuts people off from mental health care, so then these issues just go untreated for years...

Brittany:  Yeah. Places like where I work exist, but there is so much demand that it can take a good 2 weeks between the intake appointment and an appointment with someone like me or the psychiatrist.

Angela:  Right. And, like abortion clinics, they don't exist everywhere. (Though, they are thankfully more prevalent.)

Brittany:  Yeah. Rural areas have less. They're also shittier places in general to be any kind of queer or trans. And watching this administration fuck over our community so much... At least I have a pretty supportive group of people even among my cis het friends and what's left of my bio family, but if you're stuck in some dump of a town where literally everyone supports these politicians, that has to be hard.

Angela:  And, you know, for the record, I'm as pretty boring het cisgendered as you can get and I've got a therapist. Both of my BFFs are on psych meds, one of them (my bi sister) for the first time in her life. Everyone is having a hard time coping. We need to be talking about our mental health, I believe, as readily as we talk about the recent bout of bronchitis I had or your seasonal allergies, etc. I think more people will get help the more we lift the stigma.

Brittany:  Yeah. And fortunately social media is helping the conversation happen, but we still have a long way to go.

Angela:  So true. I also hope that, through spreading awareness, that also will somehow spread access... if that makes sense.

Brittany:  Yeah. It does.

Angela:  Random, but... are you hearing thunder at your place?

Brittany:  Yeah, and it's dark as fuck. I'm fucking tired of this weather. I was always somewhat anxious about severe weather, but it got 10 times worse after having a tornado 3 blocks away, and I still have to see the empty shell of Remington Tower any time I'm in the southern part of my back yard.

Angela:  Jeeezus.


Friends, if you are in crisis and you need help, do not hesitate. Reach out and call someone. Here are some numbers you can call.

Trans Lifeline
877-565-8860

Suicide Hotline
1-800-273-8255

Crisis Text Line
Text CONNECT to 741741

National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN)
800-656-4673

Domestic Violence (DVIS)
918-743-5763

Counseling & Recovery Services of Oklahoma
918-492-2254
https://crsok.org/

Happy Post-Mothers' Day, Let's Get Therapy!

In which Brittany and Angela discuss doing nothing on Mothers' Day*, demi-sexuality, weird breakups with a poly support system, and why even therapists need therapy. 

*When there are multiple moms in the house, you know where the apostrophe goes. 

Brittany:  Still chatting today?

Angela:  I can if you can!

Brittany:  That's cool. I'm ignoring social media, but chatting for the blog is different.

Angela:  True. Have you gals done big Mother's Day stuffs?

Brittany:  We did some gifts. We're going out for dinner later, even though it'll be busy. Happy mothers' day, btw.  :)

Angela:  Thank you! Happy Mama's Day to you, too! We took my MIL out for breakfast at Golden Corral, and then we plan on getting Mexican for dinner after hubby gets off work, where I fully intend on having a margarita. Other than that, just chilling and abstaining from housework. 

Brittany:  Yeah. Haven't really done much housework either. Just being lazy for the most part, though I talked to my aunt earlier.

Angela:  Oh, that's nice. For the Quitclaim other connection and all.

Uhh...

Ok, let's try again

For the *mother connection

Wtf autocorrect

Brittany:  Lol. That autocorrect fail is pretty impressive.

Angela:  Right?? And probably could only happen to someone in the legal world who has been known to type "quitclaim deed" on occasion.  #legalasstproblems

Brittany:  I figured you were just messaging someone else, and sent it to the wrong person.

Angela:  Lol, nope.

Brittany:  I've done it. Thankfully nothing overtly sexual has been sent to the wrong person so far.

Angela:  My (female) coworker once accidentally sent a pretty lewd text to another (thankfully female) coworker. It was meant for her boyfriend. She was mortified, but really just relieved it didn't go to her boss. 😂

Brittany:  Lol

Angela:  But, so, your aunt is doing well, I assume?

Brittany:  Yeah. She seems pretty happy in AZ, even though she's from the north like basically everyone I'm related to. She was living in WI until recently.

Angela:  I don't think I could live in the Southwest, but if you like an arid climate and some pretty rad native desert art, it's pretty awesome.

Brittany:  I enjoyed my time out there last year, but wouldn't deal with the summer heat well at all.

Angela:  Right. Me neither. I think I told you about the month I lived in New Mexico when I was pregnant with my first... Worst. Month. Ever.

Brittany:  Yeah. Not the best time and place to be pregnant, I imagine. Though, I feel for anyone with similar timing here, too.

Angela:  Exactly. It was hot, everything felt dusty, all the roofs were flat everywhere (these are the weird things that bother you when you're hormonal, lol), it was hell. 😂

But yeah, Oklahoma summers suck ass, too. And are more humid.

Brittany:  I remember how dusty I felt when I got home. We had gone from NM to here in one day, and it was a lot hotter coming back.

Angela:  Ew

Brittany:  I got all these hugs and such, even though I had to smell terrible though.

Angela:  You know that's love. 😂

When was this?

Brittany:  I got back May something. Maybe the 8th, or right around then.

Angela:  Wait... this past week??

Brittany:  Last year.

Angela:  Oh, lmao. I was so confused!

Brittany:  Maybe I had some history of wandering when my mental state is sketchy, but I think I've outgrown it. I don't like the idea of wandering off from my family either.

Angela:  That's how you know they're your people.

Brittany:  True.

Angela:  Speaking of family, last time we talked, you mentioned being "demi-sexual." I know you had a recent breakup that was pretty hard on you. Do you think it was because of this orientation? And how did that affect your long-term partners?

Brittany:  I think that made it harder than it would've been otherwise. For me, I'm usually not going to sleep with someone unless I feel pretty stable about the connection. Wasn't feeling sexual at all for a while after that, but Trisha and Michelle understood, even if they were starting to get worried for a bit since me not being sexual with them is generally unusual.

Angela:  Idk if this is getting too personal, but do you feel like it affected your feelings toward them at all, even if just temporarily?

Brittany:  My trust basically disappeared for a little bit. I kind of struggle with believing people love me when they claim to anyway because I've had some experiences with words and actions not matching up. So it was hard on everyone.

Angela:  Sounds like it. But this, I imagine, is the advantage of a good, healthy poly relationship. They know you well enough, and are secure enough in themselves, to ride this out with you.

Brittany:  Yeah. I'm glad I have them in my life, and that things are as stable as they are.

Angela:  Do you feel like you're still reeling from that breakup?

Brittany:  A little. And today doesn't help. Still getting used to not having a mom on this day, and Cindy is a mom. I figured she'd be around today at some point, but that isn't happening.

Angela:  Ah, yeah, I understand.

Brittany:  I sort of feel things more intensely than most people. That's not helpful at all.

Angela:  Yeah. That makes it hard.

Brittany:  I really thought it going somewhere too, but clearly not.

Angela:  Right. I think, for anyone, it's so much more difficult to process when there didn't seem to be any reason for the breakup, when there didn't seem to be any real problems to blame it on.

That's just human nature, to try to understand why.

Brittany:  I guess I'm getting better, but it just opened a flood gate of all this other bullshit. That isn't her fault, but I'm kind of all over the place emotionally compared to normal.

Angela:  Right. I think that's also normal. As we get older, every new experience relates to past experiences in some way. We can't help but compare things, you know?

Brittany:  Yeah. I had everything so neatly packed away, but maybe I shouldn't do that. Going to call around for a therapist tomorrow, and go that route.

Angela:  That's a good idea. It can never hurt to get some pro perspective.

Brittany:  Yeah. Same thing I tell other people, but not so much myself before.

Angela:  Especially since you have to listen to other people's problems all day. You need some space to talk about and deal with your own.

Brittany:  Yeah. I can talk to Trisha and Michelle about things, and I do, but I think I need to talk to someone who does what I do, and I'm not in any kind of personal relationship with.

Angela:  Right. A totally neutral person. With training.

Brittany:  Yeah.

Angela:  I started seeing a therapist, too. There's just too much to deal with in the world. It's hard to process and respond to things in a healthy way.

Brittany:  Yeah, and it's not unusual for us to see each other, too, so I'm trying to not have hangups about it, or what certain parts of my mind might try to say about what it says about me professionally.

Angela:  Psh, it says you're self aware enough to recognize when you need to get in to see "the doctor" and not let things get out of hand. That means you know what you're doing.

Brittany:  Yeah. That's what the rational part of my mind and other people say, so I just try to listen to that. As opposed to the impostor syndrome part of my mind I deal with frequently.

Angela:  Yeah, I get that. But a surgeon can no more operate on herself as you can objectively counsel yourself. As you know. I get imposter syndrome, too (about writing, my day job, parenting, being a good social/environmental citizen, etc). I think most people do.

Brittany:  Yeah. Maybe not most, but it's common enough. Seems like I've always had a tendency to doubt myself almost as much as I doubt everyone else.

Angela:  It seems to be a pretty common thing with writers, at least. I know that.

Lol, that makes a lot of sense, actually.

Brittany:  Things to talk about with my future therapist lol

Angela:  (simultaneously) So it seems like trust issues are going to be a big topic in your therapy sessions.

Lol!

Brittany:  Yeah. There are a ton of ways to give someone trust issues.

Angela:  I think trust and control are at the base of most psychological issues.

Brittany:  True.

Angela:  Therapy is good, though. But it takes soooo loooooong.

Brittany:  Yeah. Most of my clients are pretty long term, save for court order situations where they just do enough for that, then disappear.

Angela:  Idk if it's like this with everyone, but it seems like it's taken me months just to get down to some real issues.

Brittany:  It varies. Some people know exactly what their issues are, like me, and some are a little more hazy.

I think for me, I just need someone neutral to help me process, and I'm not neutral. Neither is Michelle, obviously.

Angela:  Right, of course. Is Michelle a therapist, too? I think I remember you mentioning something like that.

Brittany:  Yeah. We met in grad school, actually.

Angela:  That's right. I remember now.

Brittany:  People comment about her age compared to mine sometimes, but I'm like "She wasn't the youngest I could've met in a place like grad school though, so whatever."

Angela:  How old is she again? Regardless, she's still a grown-ass woman, so whatever.

Brittany:  She just turned 29 last month.

Angela:  Oh she's almost 30. Y'all are fine. 🙄

Brittany:  Yeah. We'll never be in the same decade, but that's fine. It's not like I'm dating, say, a 19 year old, which would probably be a disaster.

Angela:  Agreed. I am sort of against our age group being with anyone with the word "teen" in their age. And I kind of think, once you hit your 30s, they should probably at least be old enough to drink. 😅

Brittany:  Same. At my age, a 19 year old doesn't look much different from a 15 year old, so it skeeves me out a little when I hear about some middle aged person, usually a man, dating someone who has been adult for 5 minutes, usually a woman.

Like, just buy a red convertible dude.

Angela:  Exactly. Plus, um... my eldest son is 21 now, so yeah...

Lol, right???

You can't emotionally scar a sport car

Brittany:  Yeah. Though my dad is 70, and has a car like that. I remember him saying "AOC is interesting to look at" but that he doesn't like her when he was probably drunk on his birthday. Gross. That's when I left lol

Angela:  Lol, yeah ew.

Brittany:  That's 51 years. 41. I like to think it was just the booze talking since he's never said that in front of me before, but who knows.

Angela:  That's way too many years. 😳

Brittany:  Yeah. We're 41 right now.

Angela:  Exactly. AOC is in her 20s.

Brittany:  29. We watched Knock Down the House on Netflix last night, so I remember specifically from that.

Angela:  That's right. I want to be her when I grow up.

Brittany:  I don't think I could tolerate being in politics, let alone running for election.

Angela:  Well, ok, I don't want to do her JOB, but if I could be her with all her energy and education and brains and then just be an activist or something? That would be frackin' cool.

Brittany:  Same. At 29, I wasn't particularly remarkable, or really even stable.

Angela:  Same. I mean... I might have been stable-ish mentally, but I get negative points for horrible taste in men, a terribly overactive savior complex, and lack of personal motivation.

Brittany:  Seems like my taste in men was shitty, too, maybe because I didn't know I was lesbian at the time.

Angela:  Lol, right? You can't really blame yourself for not knowing how to pick good men when you were messing with the entirely wrong demographic. 😂

Brittany:  Yeah. At least I have relatively good taste in women.

Angela:  You seem to have excellent taste there.

Brittany:  I managed to go from 2011 to 2019 without any bad romantic choices. Here's to hopefully more than another 8 years.

Angela:  🥂

Burn the Fucking Patriarchy to the Ground

I don't know if some men might find some of this uncomfortable. Sometimes I feel like I should write a book titled My Loud Ass Opinion Made a Man Uncomfortable, and I Thought it was Funny: A Memoir.

I know I'm not alone in being tired of men, mostly white, cis-gender and heterosexual, and often incompetent men at that, leading this country, state, and so many other institutions. Sure, some of them are actually pretty great. Obama fit most of that description. I voted for him twice, and feel like he did a lot of good. What I get tired of in general, is the rampant institutionalized misogyny permeating not just the U.S., but the whole goddamn world, and the abuse that often comes with it. The #MeToo movement being such a recent phenomenon should tell you how difficult it has always been to speak up about the abuse, which is usually perpetrated by men against women, and it's far too rare for them to actually be held accountable. "He seems too nice. I can't imagine him doing that." "Boys will be boys. (especially powerful ones)." "What was she wearing?" "Was she drunk?" "Why was she walking around at night?" You could spend years reading shit where men are bashing the movement. They sure are threatened by it. Only internet porn is mildly more popular.

Women are paid less than men for the same work. We're expected to stay in the background, not be too loud, not take up too much space, support husbands, have babies, then prioritize those husbands and babies over any career ambitions we may have. That's legitimately the priority of some women. That's great, but it shouldn't be expected. And when a woman manages to have a great career AND take care of her family, it becomes this sort of obnoxious inspiration porn.

I'm also tired of powerful men constantly engaging in dick measuring contests with each other. I can't say for certain if having more women in power might reduce some of our senseless wars, but I'd like to take a shot at it.

I remember how excited I was when, no thanks to the red dump of a state I live in (though we did have Kendra Horn win a US House seat, and a small, but non-zero number of progressive women make local history, so maybe that's a good sign of things to come), I saw the news of Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and other women, several queer and of color being sworn in to the US House.

Representation matters. Of the entire time the US has existed, every President has been male, and with the one exception of Obama, white. I guess Trump is totally our first carrot colored President, but that's probably because he doesn't know how to properly use bronzer. No shame though. There are certainly a shit ton of far more important things to criticize that incompetent buffoon for. I can look at pictures of our government's leaders and and most corporate board members, and I end up seeing something that doesn't bear much resemblance to real life. You can Google this stuff. Just wear sun glasses. Always good to protect the eyes.

We're in a position now where record numbers of women, many of color and queer are running for higher office. The Democratic primary crowd is like a sea of women right now. If you claim you'd vote for a woman, and didn't vote for Hillary Clinton because you didn't like her in particular, fine. If you're coming up with strange, let alone nonsensical, reasons to be against about every woman running now, but not Bernie or the other men, maybe it's time to just admit to your biases. If Elizabeth Warren is too old for you, so is Bernie Sanders. Kamala Harris is 54. Gillibrand is 52. Tulsi Gabbard is 37, and a veteran. I mean, vote for whatever candidate what you want, but if you're against voting for a woman in general, just fucking own it. I don't want to vote for a man in the primary, so odds are I'm not going to. I own it. Voting is inherently discriminatory, so whatever.

I'll be real with you. Maybe I'm biased too. I'm a woman. I'm gay for the ladies. I live in a household of women. Excessive masculinity gets on my nerves. My militant feminism gets on some men's nerves. I would like to see a larger reality look a little more like my personal corner of the world.

Personally, my top pick is Elizabeth Warren. She's the closest match with my liberal snowflake values (CRAZY shit, like anti-racism, reproductive rights, social equality, access to affordable health care and child care, not treating this planet like a garbage dump as if we have another one to go to after we fuck it up, loving my amazing queer daughter every bit as much as my amazing straight one, etc.) among the women running who actually has a shot at becoming our first female President. She isn't "exactly" the same as Bernie, but yes, they're similar in a lot of way. If he wins the primary, I'll support him enthusiastically, but right now we have a real shot at a woman who knows what the fuck she's doing being able to reverse some of the damage Trump and Company have done. Emasculate Trump. Vote female.

One day, I'd really love to see more trans women, nonbinary, and queer people in general among those in power, but I'm OK with it if that needs to be worked up to over a few steps. Trans women made political history in in Minnesota (my home state) and Virginia during the midterms at the local level. I hope that's a sign of things to come. Sure, white cis het men need representation. I don't want to make you all disappear. I like it when you accuse me of wanting that though. Keep it up. I like making fun of you for it. All I want is to burn the white supremacist heteropatriarchy to the ground and light my weed with the flames. I know I'm asking a lot, but the least men could do is fucking sit one out. Maybe some long awaited change would happen.

Fuck Donald Trump.

Chat: Life After Loss, Women in Politics, and VAGINA DAY!

In which Brittany and Angela discuss "the wall," Brittany's picks for prez, family dynamics, and VD, not necessarily in that order. 

Brittany:  So many distractions over the last couple weeks we meant to chat.

Angela:  I know! How have things been going?

Brittany:  Pretty well. I was on the phone with my aunt earlier (mom's older sister). We never really used to be in touch, but ever since my mom died, we talk every Sunday.

Angela:  Oh wow, that's great! What kinds of things do you normally talk about?

Brittany:  Random shit mostly. What's going on in our lives, weather, etc.

Angela:  That's good to have that connection, I'm sure. To be able to talk to someone who was also a part of your mom since she passed.

Brittany:  Yeah. She's really the only non-local family I talk to regularly.

Angela:  Reminds me that I need to call my uncle. Haven't talked to him since Christmas. But he and I are trying to keep it going since my aunt died.

Brittany:  Yeah. It's easy to lose touch with people. She's also the only person I really call. I'm more of a text person.

Angela:  I think that part can be hard... the re-connecting to people after your "connection person" passes.

Brittany:  Yeah. And it's so easy to get distracted by whatever is going on in life.

Angela:  Exactly. Especially if you live far away from each other so you don't have much chance to connect in person. 😕
Is your aunt married?

Brittany:  No. She was a long time ago, but never re-married. She has an adult daughter in Wisconsin, where she lived until recently deciding to go to Arizona.

Angela:  So, like my uncle, she's basically alone.

 Brittany:  Yeah. She seems to like it that way though.

Angela:  That's good. Generalizing here, but I think women do better at being alone than most men.

There are obviously exceptions.

Brittany:  Maybe. Everyone on my mom's side seemed to do alright alone, including me.

Obviously I'm happy in my current relationship, but it rarely bothered me much when I was single for so long.

Angela:  But you're a girl. So that makes sense with what I was saying. 🙂

Brittany:  I suppose that's true.

Angela:  But obviously there are men who prefer to be alone. I'm probably just projecting because I worry about my uncle being a widower after being married for so long.

Brittany:  I know my dad seems to have trouble being alone. If his wife isn't around for some reason, I usually hear from him.

Angela:  Yeah. Also, men tend to remarry or get involved in another relationship faster, after a long term thing ends. But, you know, #notallmen

Brittany:  Lol

Angela:  Do you and your aunt talk about your mom much?

Brittany:  We did at first, but not so much lately. Her former bf/my friend talks about her a lot.

Angela:  That's good. Memories are important. So what have you and your family been up to lately? I know you had that unfortunate snafu with the dog.

Brittany:  Yeah. We went to eat at Olive Garden Friday. We game a lot on weekends too. Now Trisha and Michelle are out shopping, which I totally hate doing. The girls are at their dad's until later today.

What have you guys been up to?

Angela:  When you say game, do you mean video or board?

Brittany:  Mostly video. We're all nerds that way. Card Against Humanity is always fun though. And Risk.

My dad normally comes over about once a week, but he's in Vegas until later this month.

Angela:  Michael plays video games, and we at least used to play a lot of board games. But we went to that board game cafe, Shuffles, for his birthday a few weeks ago. That was fun.

Brittany:  Yeah. I keep meaning to check that place out, but then I see something shiny and get distracted.

Angela:  It got hard to play board games with the baby needing so much attention. We could probably play more now that he's got a semi-regular bedtime, we just keep getting distracted by other things. Like Netflix, haha.

Lol, right?

Brittany:  I love my dad, and will be happy to see him when he gets back, but I kind of enjoy the little breaks from arguing politics.

Angela:  Shiny things pretty much lead me around by the nose.

Oh, ugh, yeah I can see that. He's pretty conservative, right?

Brittany:  Maybe him too. My sister and her husband are pretty conservative too, though not like crazy. Except we were out eating downtown a little before Thanksgiving, and my sister said something to her daughter about Trump "keeping us safe." Puked in my mouth a little.

Angela:  😮 I don't think I've ever felt LESS safe.

Brittany:  My mom was always more liberal. I miss that sometimes.

Same.

Angela:  And I'm just a white girl. People don't think about what it's like for everyone who isn't a white cis person. People are fucking terrified right now!

Brittany:  Yeah. They're all white cis het too, so it can be hard to make them see certain things.

Angela:  But what do you and your dad normally argue about? Are there specific political issues, or is it just everything in general?

Brittany:  Trump's wall is the biggest thing lately. And he doesn't like Elizabeth Warren much, so that's probably coming, since she's like my dream POTUS.

Angela:  The wall is a big issue for a lot of people. I wish it wasn't. It's a stupid waste of time, attention, and money. But the Right is fixated on it.

Brittany:  And maybe AOC someday, but she's too young to run for a while, which is funny in a way. As long as you're at least 35 and US born, you can be the biggest fuckwit ever, and totally be president. Obviously.

Angela:  I know. AOC is amazing. But it's good to see what she can shake up in Congress. We need strong people like her there.

Brittany:  Yeah, and I'm super sick of the man show, so I'm all about more strong women getting to be in power.

Angela:  Definitely!

Brittany:  But yeah. A wall wouldn't work, and I don't like the imagery of becoming some medieval fucking fortress.

Angela:  I'm still a Bernie girl because I think he's the most genuine with his policies, but Warren is good, too. I do wish she'd left that Native American thing alone. It's a distraction we do not need right now.

100% agree

Brittany:  Not to mention if Mexicans were white, we wouldn't even be talking about walls.

Angela:  Also 100% yes.

Brittany:  Yeah. I don't know why she took Trump's bait. He got her on that one.

I don't see it costing her much if she wins the primary though.

Angela:  I think I read that Canadians are the most likely to overstay their visas than anyone else, but we're not trying to build a wall against Canada.

Oh no, if she wins the primary, I will be ALL WARREN, ALL THE TIME. 

I know some progressives are all hot for Tulsi Gabbard, but I don't see her getting far. Her past is just too icky.

Brittany:  Yeah. And I was really hoping Warren would run last time. I lover her and Bernie roughly equally, but the whole man show thing kind of sways me.

Part of me wants to overstay my visa in Canada. I don't have one, but still.

Angela:  I understand. I don't have those same issues with Bernie specifically, but otherwise yes. If it isn't Bernie, I hope it's Warren or Kamala.

SAME!

I could totally pass for Canadian, I think.

Brittany:  I mean, where I'm from isn't even that far south of there, so close enough. lol

Angela:  I lived up north long enough that I could fake the accent.

Exactly! I mean, dat's true, eh?

Brittany:  I still have enough MN accent that people notice sometimes, but it's definitely pretty watered down at this point.

Angela:  You been here too long. You're at least half Okie now.

Brittany:  Yeah. Feminist dyke whore with super progressive opinions. Ton of fun.

Angela:  Lol! You fit like a fish out of water!

Brittany:  So do you I guess, at least politically. You're probably the closest match in that dept I know who doesn't live in the same house I do.

Angela:  Lol! Awww... thanks! 😊

Oh hey, VD's coming up. Do you and your lady-loves enjoy VD? (That's Valentine's Day, for all you sickos out there!)

Brittany:  Yeah. It's Vagina Day for us sickos. We usually eat a big home cooked meal by me and do the gift thing.

No anniversaries on major restaurant days, so it's easier to go out then, and not wait an hour.

Angela:  Vagina Day! Lol, yes!

I think we're actually foregoing VD this year. But we focus more on our anniversary (which isn't til October) and birthdays, anyway.

But I have friends all over the spectrum on this one. Some people swear off Valentine's Day like the plague, and some of my people think it's the best day on the calendar.

Brittany:  My anniversary with Trisha is Feb 19. All of us together is in the spring.

Angela:  Oh, that's so close! Fun!

Brittany:  Yeah. We were spending time together on actual V Day 2012, but became formal shortly after.

Angela:  Well, like you said, skip the crowds that way. 😉

Brittany:  Yeah. Michelle is sort of crowd friendly, but Trisha and I are SO NOT.

Angela:  Lol! That's cute, the dynamic.

Brittany:  Michelle goes out with friends more than Trisha and I combined lol

Angela:  Hey, speaking of crowd friendly, you and I (or your and your girls and I, whatever) need to get together sometime soon. I haven't set eyes on your physical person in an age, it feels like.

Brittany:  Yeah. It's been a long time. Maybe something at your house or ours.

Wanted to chat for writing ideas. Think I have a couple potential ones from this chat.

Angela:  That would be fun. Or take turns for both!

Hey... random side note... can I still not buy wine on Sunday?

Brittany:  I think you probably can at the supermarket, but I'm not sure. Liquor stores still can't be open on Sunday unless a bill gets created and passes. If wine is all you want, I'd say just call first and ask. (This is why Brittany is the brains of the operation.)

Angela:  Ok, I'll work on getting this up in the next day or two. (I'm pretty sure Vagina Day is making it's way into the title). You let me know when you write your next blog post.

Brittany:  I will. Probably this weekend since it falls in between relationship celebrations.

Angela:  And I'll try to find a big vagina-ey flower to post with the chat. 🌺

Brittany:  Totally fits me. 😁

Lol. Already created a document with title and first sentence. I'll leave that out of the chat, though, to create suspense.

Angela:  Just like a writer... >.> *suspense deepens*

Brittany:  Well, let me know when you have the chat up. And have a fun Vagina Day 🙂

Angela:  I definitely will. And you do the same. 😉

Brittany:  Will do. Talk to you soon. 🙂