This Shit Gay AF

I forgot to post something Pride-related during Pride Month (June). I mean, honestly though, every month is Pride for me. I keep at 5 by 3 foot rainbow flag on the wall in our gaming room literally all year long. And of course, some cities have Pride celebrations outside of June for various reasons.

The first time I went to an LGBTQ+ Pride celebration was Tulsa Pride in 1996. At the time Tulsa Pride was pretty young, with the first having been in 1983. I was also fairly young (18), and somewhat unsure of and experimenting with where I fit within the the sexuality and gender spectrums, but I had that feeling one occasionally has in the right environment where I felt at home. Since then I've only missed a few scattered years, mostly when I was getting my undergraduate degree in Tahlequah, OK. They didn't have Pride events there then, being a small college town, though 5 years ago they began having Pride celebrations, so things are gradually progressing there.

Since then I've come to understand myself as a transgender lesbian woman. My partners are queer cis-gender women, and our oldest daughter, who posseses a self awareness I wish I had as a kid came out as bisexual about 3 years ago, at age 11.

The point of Pride celebrations is to celebrate who we are in a world that doesn't otherwise make any effort to uplift us, build community, be visible, and stand against the all too common discrimination and violence against the LGBTQ+ population.

I want to post a brief history of Pride. I'm totally gay for history like that. A little internet searching can take you into greater detail if you're inclined.

There were earlier uprisings such as Compton's Cafeteria in San Francisco. Police raiding gay bars back then was pretty common. Trans women and drag queens would be arrested. On June 28, 1969, patrons of Stonewall Inn bar in Manhattan (now a national monument at it's current location. Thanks Obama <3) finally got fed up and rioted. Bystanders joined in. That went on all night and some beyond that. If you've seen the movie Stonewall where a bunch of white cis gay guys were throwing the first bricks, it's historically inaccurate, which is partially why it bombed at the box office. The first bricks and other items thrown were thrown by trans women, butch lesbians, and queens of color. Even mainstream LGBTQ organizations often forget this. A year later, the first Pride events took place.

The Pride flag was created by San Francisco artist Gilbert Baker in 1978. From red on top to purple on bottom, the colors stand for life, healing, sunlight, nature, harmony, and spirit. Pink (sexuality) and turquoise (art/magic) were removed. In 2017, the Philadelphia Office of LGBT Affairs created Pride flags with a black and brown stripe to symbolize inclusion of black and brown people in the movement because sadly white gays aren't a whole lot less racist than white straights. I don't see them a lot, but they're around, even outside Philadelphia.

In recent years, there have been people calling for "straight pride," and even a few events boasting like 20 people showing up.

You don't need a straight pride. Straight people weren't being harassed and arrested on nonsensical morality charges a few decades ago. Straight people have always been able to marry (unless you were an interracial couple in the US, which wasn't legal until 1967). You didn't have to wait until 2015 if you lived in the wrong state. You aren't still waiting because you live in the wrong country. A man and woman holding hands in public don't face harassment or violence for doing so.

Meanwhile, back to the frequently disappointing present. We have the most homophobic, trans-phobic, and racist shit show of a White House administration in modern history. Trump and Co. have tried, and so far failed, to ban trans people from serving in the military despite actual opposition from actual military leaders who know a hell of a lot more about military matters than Cadet Bone Spurs ever will. SCOTUS is about to be leaning to the right for the rest of my life. The religious fanatics are licking their chops at the prospect of being able to undermine marriage equality, as well as reproductive rights. Jeff Sessions, who may or may not be the world's oldest vampire, just announced the creation of a "Religious Liberty Task Force" (This means allowing Christians to discriminate and nothing more) because not allowing evangelical Christian organizations and individuals to discriminate against queer people and anyone they disagree with is somehow oppressive toward Christians in the minds of bigots and these old men who may or may not jack off to The Handmaid's Tale every Wednesday. There have been 16 murders of trans women, mostly black trans women, so far this year. Anti-LGBTQ violence in general is on the rise. Earlier this year, some fuckwits shot at the windows of the Tulsa Equality Center in the middle of the night (fortunately, no one was there).

This is why we still need Pride. This is also why we do not need straight pride. None of the above threatens cis-gender heterosexual people. If you want to have your stupid events with your 20 friends, I don't really care, but don't go around acting like being cis, Christian, and straight opens you up to any kind of oppression.

There are still some small signs of progress here and there. Here in Tulsa, they renamed part of a street downtown Pride Street right before the events of the weekend. Our reasonable human of a mayor (a rare treat in this teabilly state) even attended the event.

Our community has survived since the begining of humanity, and we will continue to persevere. You can't erase us. Those in power now won't be in power forever. Society will begin evolving again.

We're here. We're queer. Get used to it.

                                                 Pride Street, Tulsa, OK 2018. Photo: Tulsa World

Chat: Politics, Queer Counseling, and WTF Happened to Pride

In which Brittany and Angela discuss the recent Oklahoma midterm elections, current-ish events, Brittany's day job, and then realize they never posted a damn thing about Pride. 

Angela:  Mannnnnn so much has happened in the world since we last talked. Justice Kennedy's retirement has me pretty well petrified.

Brittany:  Yeah. I fully expect SCOTUS to be an arm of the republican party for the rest of my life 😞

Angela:  Exactly. Roe v. Wade has never looked so fragile. And LGBTQ rights. And... gah... everything. Just everything.

Brittany:  And I wouldn't be surprised if marriage equality and reproductive rights become things only accessible to people lucky enough to live in the right states.

Angela:  That's exactly what I'm seeing a lot of people thinking. It'll a revert to "states rights" and everyone living I red states will be screwed.

Brittany:  Even if Congress is flipped and we get a democratic president soon, it's still going to be a problem.

Angela:  I know. Just trying to figure out how to fight this, how to move forward is hard. How do you protect yourself from the most powerful court in the land?

Brittany:  Yeah. I don't know what it's going to be like. Hopefully we get lucky and he appoints what he thinks is a reliable right winger, but get another swing voter like Kennedy, but who knows.

Angela:  I know. I'm holding my breath for that. It's all I can do.

Brittany:  Unrelated, but thanks for sharing that post about the LGBTQ camping thing. Our oldest is going this week.

Angela:  Oh yay! I can't wait to hear how it goes! How long is it?

Brittany:  3 days. It's her first time really going off to do her own thing for more than like a night at a friend's house or whatever.

Angela:  Oh, I thought it would be longer, but since it's her first time, shorter is probably better.

Brittany:  It's Wed through Fri. That's just the schedule.

Angela:  That's cool. I'm just glad it exists. Especially here.

Brittany:  Yeah. She'll be able to meet some other queer kids that way.

Angela:  Exactly. It's good to know you're not alone, you know? Especially when you're a kid.

Brittany:  Right. Maybe I would've had a better sense of my own self had I had access to something like that when I was her age.

Angela:  Right? Human connection, and knowing you aren't a "freak" (in an outcast kind of way) makes a world of difference. Something like this can give kids confidence. Seems to me like it would go a long way toward staving off all kinds of neuroses.

Brittany:  Yeah. She was pretty self-aware anyway, maybe thanks to who her parents are and the internet. She came out at 11.

Angela:  Probably. And honestly, she was probably also just born at the right time (and to the right people). I think our kids are going to be so much more adept at handling true diversity than we were, and definitely than our parents' generation.

Brittany:  Definitely.

Angela:  SPEAKING OF WHICH, the rest of the world seems to be progressing, even if America is going backwards. The World Health Organization removing transgender as a "mental illness"... I think that's huge!

Brittany:  Yeah. Hopefully the DSM will follow soon.

Angela:  How does that work? Do they have some committee that decides these things?

Brittany:  The APA revises it every so often. Homosexuality used to be listed, but was removed a few revisions ago.

Angela:  Also, I saw that the WHO didn't remove transgender entirely, but moved it to another section. Something about preserving it there for health coverage purposes?

Brittany:  There's some debate about how to classify it, but simply a medical condition as opposed to a disorder would be an improvement.

Angela:  How do you think this will affect things? This change?

Brittany:  It might help with the stigma that still exists in the mental health profession. And honestly, the diagnosis of gender dysphoria is only really an issue so treatments can have a label and be prescribed. Can't say I'm a fan of all the gate keeping that goes on. Just listen to people and react accordingly. It's not like I needed someone to tell me I was trans (though some people just starting to have these feelings might still benefit from that).

Angela:  Yes 100% to that. And I do like lifting the stigma.

Brittany:  Same, though I like lifting the stigma of "mental disorder" in general, too.

Angela:  True. You've been counseling now for a while. I know you're taking low income patients. Have you had any trans or other LGBTQ patients? (Or do you call them clients?)

Brittany:  We generally call them clients. I don't yet have any trans clients, but they tend to send LGBTQ clients to me.

Angela:  What got you interested in counseling?

Brittany:  Trauma, actually. My own. Other people's. I got my undergraduate degree in 2002 and never really started to use it until 13 years later when I decided on grad school.

Angela:  You seem to enjoy it. I mean, I'm sure it's not always fun, but it seems to be fulfilling, at least.

Brittany:  Yeah. It can be difficult at times, even triggering. And sometimes you get problematic clients, but I really love it in general. But I know what it's like to be struggling with untreated mental health issues, questioning my own gender and queerness, and not having money for any support. 

Angela:  What kind of client load do you handle? Is it a lot?

Brittany:  Eight 50 minute appointments per day for the most part. Mostly regular, but sometimes I get a new one, or an appointment from a client of someone not at work. During intake, clients who are LGBTQ and/or dealing with trauma get assigned to me because that's my expertise.

Angela:  Are they all adults, or.do you take minors, too?

Brittany:  Adults, but there is a program for children.

Angela:  Do you feel comfortable saying what organization you're working with?

Brittany:  It's in my about section if you want to look at it, but I don't want to disclose publicly. Though, if anyone asks on the blog or BB page about finding help, I can refer them.

Angela:  Great! ❤

Brittany:  I've had people I know personally be like, "Can I see you for counseling?" But no, there's an ethical issue. They can get help where I work, but not from me.

Angela:  Oh, that kind of makes sense. Also, working with trauma clients has to be hard. Do you ever have a hard time leaving your work at work?

Brittany:  Not really. It can be triggering, but when I leave my office, it stays there. I'm like the fucking queen of compartmentalization.

Angela:  Lol, that's probably good. Not everyone can do that.

Brittany:  True. You kind of have to have some ability for it given the amount of emotional labor involved.

Angela:  What kind of issues come up with your LGBTQ clients? With trauma... unfortunately, I can imagine.

Brittany:  Trauma is unfortunately fairly common. Some are closeted. Family members aren't always accepting. Being on the receiving end of bullying during the younger years is pretty common among the obviously queer. Depression and anxiety are common. I imagine when I get a trans client, they're going to need resources for support, maybe unemployment. Trans is expensive if you want to do anything medical like hormones.

Angela:  Yes, definitely. And, I imagine, it's harder for them to get work, especially here. You can "hide" being "just gay" better than transgender.

Brittany:  Yeah. Support here in general can be a little thin, compared to, say, Los Angeles. So, I wanted to help my own communities. Not to mention we're more likely to be low income and priced out of a lot of available care.

Angela:  I totally get that. There's a need, and you can help fill it. What do you tell clients who don't really have any support system to speak of? I mean... our friends are pretty supportive and awesome, but not everyone has even that.

Brittany:  Yes. 😔 I've told quite a few about support groups at the Equality Center. We don't have any queer-based group where I work. We have groups for other things though, like depression, social anxiety, etc.

Angela:  Do you think those latter groups are open and accepting enough for LGBTQ clients?

Brittany:  They are. Thankfully, it's a matter of policy.

Angela:  Oh, good. ❤ And, I am so glad Tulsa's Equality Center exists, btw. I honestly can't imagine our city without them.

Brittany:  It's actually the 6th biggest in the US. Interesting fact.

Angela:  Wow! 6th biggest... in Oklahoma?? Now I need to look up where the top 5 are located!

Brittany:  My bet would be LA, SF, NYC for 3 of them, but I haven't actually looked it up. I know LA has more than one building, but haven't been to any others.

Angela:  You're probably right. But it's surprising that ours is so high in the list. There are lots of bigger cities than ours.

Brittany:  Tulsa seems to have a lot of LGBTQ people for its size, so that helps.

Angela:  Oh, and duh, Pride! How was it? I didn't get to go! Lol. Went through the whole month of June and didn't talk about Pride. Fucking blogger fail.

Brittany:  It was fun as always. We rarely stay long, because I still can’t deal with the heat even after living here 27 years (27 years in August). I'm not really sure how many people were there, but it's been around 30,000 at times. Weird how I don't have any social anxiety at Pride or ACL, but totally everywhere else. Lol. I should've written something.

Angela:  You still can. Call the post, "It's July but Fuck It, Every Month Should Be Pride Month" 😉

Brittany:  Yeah. That's something I might actually use as a title.

Angela:  Lol, happy to help.But that really does make sense, though. That you would feel comfortable surrounded by people you know aren't going to judge you or reject you.

Brittany:  True.

Angela:  Which, I know we're winding down here, and not to start a whole new tangent, but it brings me to the question: I've seen some articles recently about some abominable excuses for people wanting to remove the "T" in LGBTQ. Which enrages me. But... have you run into any of that here?

Brittany:  I haven't run into it personally, but I see it going around sometimes, which is ridiculous considering it was fed up trans women of color who threw the first bricks and kicked off this whole movement. Fucking ingrates. Transphobia (and biphobia) are still pretty common among a lot of LG people.

Angela:  THANK YOU! It's bullshit! Like, how the fuck you gonna adopt the fucking RAINBOW as your symbol and then attempt to push out an entire classification of people like that?? Ugh.

Brittany:  Thankfully I don't see much of that sentiment in Tulsa.

Angela:  I’m glad. I hadn't either, just saw stuff online. But it was enough to raise my hackles... and make me worry. It's disturbing the places you find bigotry sometimes.

Brittany:  I think, in the not so distant future, they might realize the need as many on their team as possible, but we'll see. There are more people who embrace trans people among their number than reject them. I don't think the bigots will ever gain traction. 

The Equality Center has always been good as long as I've had any experience with it. They have trans and bi support groups, among other things. I got the therapist's number I had to see for 3 months before getting hormones from there. All it took was a phone call on my part.

Angela:  Yes. They're pretty awesome. They even host some pagan activities! Which, they don't have to. It's not specifically LGBTQ driven, but I think they recognize an ally in most pagan communities, and their underrepresentation in our region.

Brittany:  True. And they have things like the NYE party for sober people. They don't have a super narrow focus. They're big enough not to.

Angela:  They're like a beacon of love in the middle of Tulsa. 😊

Brittany:  Yeah. They're also a cooling station on nasty hot days. People from the street can enjoy the air conditioning and water whether queer or not.

Angela:  Oh, that's awesome. There are a whole lot of homeless people downtown. That can be lifesaving for them.

Brittany:  I think most stay in that area because there are more shelters and places to eat there. I see some elsewhere, though. There are remnants of someone in the field by the house near what's left of Remington tower. Never seen anyone there, but there are water bottles in trees to collect condensation. Some survivalist who doesn't want to deal with shelters, I guess.

Angela:  Probably right. And even the shelters can only help so much. Many are at or over capacity. Summertime is rough on our homeless population. Daytime, anyway. Nighttime is better. Less dangerous. Until you get to winter.

Brittany:  True, though winter is becoming less of a thing here.

Angela:  I know. Which is another kind of scary. ☹

Brittany:  I'm from the Twin Cities. I can only imagine what they do in a place even I consider cold.

Angela:  I think they probably have a lot bigger and better outreach, though. Minneapolis seems to have its shit together way better than we do when it comes to taking care of its people.

Brittany:  Yeah. I miss that. Here they don't do much, and they suck at managing finances.

Angela:  Definitely.

Brittany:  Hopefully some changes happen after November.

Angela:  YES.

Brittany:  This will be the first time I've ever had runoffs to vote in.

Angela:  Me, too! August. This is crazy.

Brittany:  Mostly I got what I wanted, though. Also crazy.

Angela:  Yeah, me too. It was like the most exciting election night since Obama won! Lol. But shit is changing. People aren't just voting for the status quo anymore. 

Brittany:  Yeah. Hell, even the republicans weren't voting for the status quo. We don't have to worry about Tood Lamb.

*Todd

Angela:  I know! So excited! I like Tood better. Let's leave it like that. 

Brittany:  Yeah. Fuck it. His name is Tood now.

Angela:  Bye bye, Tood!

Brittany:  Lol. Well, I guess we should wrap this up. 

Angela:  Yes. I need to get some shit done around the house. Have a good night with your people.

Brittany:  You, too. 🙂