Recovery, Romance, and Bad Conversation

In which we discuss Brittany's new love, renewed strength, and utterly fail to communicate.  I heckle us in pink italics.  Love and laughs! ~ Kayla

March 20, 2012

Kayla:  Hey, did we miss each other again?

Brittany:  I guess. I waited 20 min and got bored.  Here now though.

Kayla:  Oh there you are! Lol, I was waiting for you! ;)  Sorry, should've said something sooner. I was cooking w/ one eye on the computer, waiting to see you on here.

Well, anywho, how's it been going?

Brittany:  Things have been going well.

Kayla:  Things are good with Trisha?

Brittany:  Yeah, we hang out more days than not. Here on weekends. More over there during the week.  We had dinner yesterday for being together a month.  We got each other flowers and basically ended up trading them with each other.

Kayla:  That's awesome. Did you cook?

Brittany:  I usually cook.  I'm totally "the chick" in this relationship.  :)

Kayla:  I could've seen that coming. ;) Seems like this relationship is helping you deal with everything that's happened over the past few months.

Brittany:  Yeah. She definitely gets me.  I would have liked to go to the zoo or something kids friendly, but the weather was shit yesterday.  Maybe later.

Kayla:  Oh, does Trisha have a kid?

Brittany:  She has two.  She's not as young as she looks. Lol.

Kayla:  That's cool. Do they know you?

Brittany:  Yeah.  They're great.  When they come over here on weekends, they just crash on the pullout in the back bedroom, which is ok.  The bedrooms don't share a wall.  lol

Kayla:  That is handy. ;)

Brittany:  She has primary custody. They go to her ex's every other weekend.

Kayla:  It's cool that she's open enough that the kids can be around. In some places that might not be a big deal, but here in Oklahoma, I've seen enough mudslinging in custody battles to know that you found someone truly brave and special. It's also good that she has primary custody. That cuts down on a lot of bullshit.

Brittany:  Yeah. I don't really know his opinion of this. I don't think he cares, honestly. I guess if he cared, he wouldn't have left her while she was deployed.  But that's just my opinion.

This is where everything goes to hell.  Watch as we epitomize the phrase, “a failure to communicate.”

Kayla:  So much the better!

Oh, is she trans, too? Is that what you mean?

Brittany:  lol  Deployed doesn't mean trans.  It means she had to go to Iraq when she was in the army. --My favorite line in this whole FUBARed conversation.


Kayla:  No, silly, not deployed! I meant as to why he would've left her! You weren't with her when she was in the army.

(right?)

Brittany:  No. I knew her then, but nothing was really going on.

Kayla:  Ok, but why would him caring whether his kids are around her trans girlfriend now have effected his staying with her then?

Brittany:  What?

Kayla:  (this is where typing conversations gets sticky) ;)

Brittany:  I'm sure that had nothing to do with me.

And this is where we start typing over each other, which only makes matters worse. 


Kayla:  Lmao! Ok, back up. I said it was good that she's open enough that you could be around the kids. What I meant was that it's good that she's open enough to have a relationship with a trans woman and still be able to have the kids involved w/ that relationship.

Brittany:  I think he left her because he couldn't wait for her to get back.

Kayla:  You said the kids' dad didn't seem to care, either. And then you said if he did care, he probably wouldn't have left her when she was in the army. 'Splain.

OH! gotcha. But, he doesn't care if you're in his kids' lives?

Brittany:  Well, I think if you leave your person because of their job, that doesn't show caring.

Kayla:  Again, it SHOULDN'T be a big deal, but I've seen visitation issues where the other parent isn't even allowed to have members of the opposite sex spend the night when the kids are around.

Brittany:  in general.  And I'm not any kind of a threat to the girls. Like, he doesn't seem to have serious prejudice issues.

Bingo!  That's what I was getting at!  
And yet, my stupid ass is still typing, not seeing Brittany's last comment.


Kayla:  ... different kind of caring than I was thinking of. You mean, he literally doesn't care about them at all... right? (typing these things sucks)

Brittany:  No not really. I just think he must not have cared about Trisha that much. How did this become such a clusterfuck?

i'm not THAT? high right now. are you? --I left this line completely unedited because it's so fantastic.


Kayla:  Lmao! I don't know! (I'm seriously cracking up over here.)

No ma'am, I am completely sober, thank you very much. ;)

Brittany:  lol. All I meant was he seems a little indifferent in general.  She's out now, but if she did deploy and re-enlist or something, I'd wait.

I wouldn't leave.

My last post-convo comment before I butt out:  That last line is one of the sweetest things I have ever read, and it's all for you, Trisha, so I hope you're reading this, too. 


Kayla:  There are a lot of people who don't have patience. He obviously wasn't that dedicated to begin with.  Which is fine, because she's got you now, anyway.

Onto more pointed questions, your last post was obviously a doozey. How are you coping with all that now? Is it still bothering you?

Brittany:  No. And that might be the last anyone really hears about it. I think I've moved past it. I finally have a supportive girlfriend, I have supportive friends. You, Carmen, Crystal. Some others. I'm lucky in that sense.

Kayla:  Aw... thanks! *sniff* I know Carmen and Crystal helped a lot more than I did, but I'm glad I was able to let you know I care.

I'm just glad it's over and you're able to heal. It makes all the difference in the world, being able to talk it out.  But, before we leave it behind forever, I just want to say here that I am so, so proud of you for having the guts to talk about it on the blog. You didn't have to do that, but I think it's a story that can help a lot of people who are in that position and who feel like they can't talk about it because they feel marginalized.

Brittany:  Yeah. It took a while to get to where I could write that out as a blog, but I think that was almost the end of it. I don't have the related sexual trust issues anymore. That's a plus. Especially if you're Trisha I'm sure.

Kayla:  That's so great. I'm sure she helped a lot in that area.

Brittany:  She did. And she put up with the craziness that went on for a while—the bitchiness, not sleeping, not eating, keeping rifles on the bed.  Not everyone can handle someone like me. lol

Kayla:  Lol! I guess that's true. It sounds like you and she fell into eachother's lives at just the right moment. Well done not missing the opportunity!

Brittany:  We had been kind of in and out of touch over the years . . . slept together casually here and there. It became a relationship about a month ago. I had that conversation with her and it worked out. :)

Kayla:  And no more rifles by the bed?

Brittany:  Nah. They're where they belong these days.  :)

Kayla:  Awesome.

You still doing your voice lessons?

Brittany:  Yeah. I'm getting better at it, but it's easy to not pay attention and slip some on the phone or whatever.

Kayla:  That's cool. You'll get there.

Brittany:  Maybe next convo won't be so choppy.

Kayla:  Hopefully not. I'm sure we'll get our crap together someday.

Yeah . . . someday . . . 

Just When You Thought You'd Lose Your Sex Drive

We are entering a realm of Too Much Information.  The gloves are off.  Your parents will not approve.  You have been warned.

December 13, 2011

Kayla:  I have absolutely no idea what to talk about, so this is gonna' be really fucking random. 

Brittany:  Me either. It's been awhile. We're off our game.

Kayla:  True 'dat.  I guess we should start with the obvious. How have you been feeling? Have there been many changes since the last time we talked?

Brittany:   Feeling great. Breasts are more developed. My skin doesn't really suck anymore.

Kayla:  Have you gone up a cup size yet, do you think?

Brittany:  Found someone who I'm into. A woman this time.

I almost can fill an A cup, so I bought a few.

Kayla:   Excellent! How are the hormones treating you? Any more weird dreams or serious mood swings?

Brittany:  I think the moods have leveled some, or I've gotten used to them. I was moody anyway.

Kayla:  How's work going? Are you totally "out" at work? I mean, are you dressing femininely there?

Brittany:  Yes. I have been for several weeks.

Kayla:  Everyone been cool about it there?

Brittany:  Nothing elaborate.

Kayla:  Oh... and the question everyone always has to ask (so, according to Transgender Friend Code 5, Sec. 234, I must also ask), what bathroom have you been using at work/public?

Brittany:  But it's work, you know? Not trying to be avant-garde there.

Generally the women's room.

Kayla:  So, work's cool because it's work and they kinda' have to be, and because you're not decked out like Madonna, waving your breast cones in everyone's face. Yeah?

Brittany:  Yeah.

Kayla:  Excellent! 

Brittany:  It's work. I'm not going in like I'm at a fetish party. They'd probably be uncool about that with any woman.

Kayla:  I'm thinking you're right. Although, I could test that . . . show up at my oh-so-conservative day job in a black leather cat suit and a whip in my hand . . . I'll let you know how they react.

Brittany:  Pics or it didn't happen.

Kayla:  Ha! Ok so, er, maybe not.  ;)

Brittany:  Thanks for sending me to the gutter, though. Lol.

Kayla:  I do what I can.

Brittany:  It's not so difficult to do lately. My doctor said my libido would probably go down. She was wrong.

Kayla:  I have noticed. I am a bit mystified by that, considering the rumor that hormones would be a sex drive buzz-kill. Maybe we should do a little research here, to see if said hormones are ever known to cause the opposite reaction . . . what are you taking again? What's it called?

Brittany:  And I've been sort of "saving" this energy for now, seeing how this romantic thing develops . . . as in, I'm not fucking other people either. I guess I could, but I'm waiting to see what happens.

Kayla:  Yikes . . . there are ways of taking care of that "energy" so you don't turn into the equivalent of a bitch in heat, ya' know. I'm just sayin'.

Brittany:  Yeah.

Kayla:  And it doesn't have to include other people . . . you've heard of this method, yes?

Brittany:  And that's great because I have an image to start from now.

Kayla:  Oh, do not go there! Lol!

Brittany:  But, I'm taking Spironolactone and Estradiol.

I'm cool with burning some of that energy that way. I just don't wanna burn all of it.

Kayla:  Spi-ro-no-lac-tone . . . man that's a mouthful . . . .

Brittany:  People just call it "Spiro."

Kayla:  But, no, no, no . . . don't get rid of it all! Though, I'm pretty positive there's more where that came from.

Ok, I'm looking up the Spiro stuff . . . .

Brittany:  Yeah. as long as I have some extra when needed, so it's that much more exceptional. 

Spiro is the antiandrogen.

Kayla:  Lol! Yeah, you should be fine in that department . . . .

Ok, the Spiro label, according to http://www.drugs.com/sfx/spironolactone-side-effects.html says:

COMMON side effects persist or become bothersome when using Spironolactone:

Diarrhea; drowsiness; headache; nausea; stomach cramping; vomiting.

Ugh. But nothing about libido . . . what about the less common side effects . . . ?

Brittany:  I think it happens from a lack of testosterone for a lot of people.

Kayla:  Probably . . . it says:

Seek medical attention right away if any of these SEVERE side effects occur when using Spironolactone:

Severe allergic reactions (rash; hives; itching; difficulty breathing; tightness in the chest; swelling of the mouth, face, lips, or tongue); black, tarry, or bloody stools; change in the amount of urine produced; confusion; dark urine; decreased sexual ability; enlarged breasts in men; irregular or missed menstrual periods; pale stools; severe or persistent stomach pain; symptoms of abnormal fluid or electrolyte levels (eg, fast, slow, or irregular heartbeat; increased thirst; muscle weakness; severe or persistent dry mouth, nausea, or vomiting; severe or persistent dizziness or drowsiness; unusual fatigue or sluggishness; tingling sensation); yellowing of the skin or eyes.

Brittany:  Haven't had any of that, really.

Kayla:  Wait, LMAO! "Enlarged breasts in men . . ." Isn't that the point? Is it a bug? Or is it a feature?

Brittany:  Even when Stephanie and I were at QT, her pee was kinda’ dark from some UTI med she was taking. I was like, "my pee is kinda’ clear because I drink too much water." lol

Kayla:  That's probably how you keep from having a lot of crappy side effects. You flush your system properly. But, yes, it definitely says "decreased sexual ability" and nothing about it increasing . . . so . . . you're just a freak, I guess. 

Brittany:  I guess. Or I'm more comfortable with my body.

Kayla:  That makes sense . . . and, ya' know . . . there's the new girl. 

Brittany:  Yeah. And we connect. Like really have these real conversations and connect.

Kayla:  That helps a lot . . . especially for women. 

Brittany:  Yeah. It's nice to connect and all that instead of the usual wanting people to leave before they drink too much of my coffee. Although Trisha stayed here for like 3 days once.

Kayla:  BAHahahahahahaha!

Brittany:  Which was ok since I was all crazed that weekend. lol

Kayla:  I almost inhaled my pop!

That weekend wasn't a "relationship," though . . . it's okay to hoard your coffee for a booty call.

Brittany:  I know. That's a friends with benefits sort of thing only.

Kayla:  Of course . . . it's nice to share with your friends, too. Just sayin'. (I'm still chuckling over here.)

Brittany:  Part of what was going on there was that a certain someone didn't come back to town on time, and I was really nice when I went into work on black Friday.

Kayla:  Oh sure . . . blame it on some woman . . . Ha! I bet you were!

Brittany:  Up all late and shit. I didn't even shower. Stephanie finally DID make it back last Sunday.

Kayla:  Oh wait! I never looked up the side effects for the 2nd hormone you're taking! If we're going to be thorough here . . . what was it called again?

Brittany:  We've gone out and such several times.

Estradiol.

Kayla:  That's awesome. I'm glad you've found someone that looks promising.

Brittany:  I think she's coming over this weekend. I'm going to cook something for her because I'm good at it.

Kayla:  What're you gonna' cook? (looking up Estradiol . . . )

Brittany:  Haven't totally decided. I'll probably decide at the store the day before. Not steak or fish, though. She doesn't like those.

Kayla:  Chicken? Hard to go wrong with chicken, unless she's a vegetarian.

Brittany:  Probably chicken something. She likes Italian food.

Kayla:  You could make some kind of lasagna. Everyone likes lasagna.

Brittany:  It will be a nice change. I only cook for myself most of the time and I know she likes Chinese. The first time we met after she returned was at a Chinese place. The pic is from that Chinese place. But she specifically said Italian when I asked, so I'm going that route.

Kayla:  I THINK I FOUND IT! This is from the same website, http://www.drugs.com/sfx/estradiol-side-effects.html:

COMMON side effects persist or become bothersome when using Estradiol Valerate:

Abnormal hair growth; breast tenderness; changes in sex drive; cramps; dizziness; flushing; hair loss; headache; lightheadedness; nausea; pain, swelling, or redness at the injection site; reduced tolerance to carbohydrates; stomach bloating and upset; swelling; vaginal infection; weight changes.

Did you see that? CHANGES in sex drive, not specifically a reduction. So it could totally be the Estradiol! Not the attraction to this one girl, of course, but the constant mind-in-the-gutterness which you are experiencing. (That should be a technical term.)

Brittany:  Yeah. I have a few of those symptoms. Been a while since I read the list, though.

Kayla:  But yes, go with her food suggestion 'cause that's what she'll be building her appetite for. You know, kinda' like mentally preparing for sex. 

Brittany:  lol. She needs to get out of her house anyway.

Kayla:  I just figured your mind would go there, so I thought I'd head it off at the pass.

Brittany:  Drama. She lives with her baby daddy, his girlfriend, and some other ex, I think the only plus there is she's with her son every day.

Kayla:  Ooh . . . something else that might be good . . . and wouldn't have to make as much as a whole pan of lasagna . . . some kind of angel hair pasta with a nice marinara and chicken or something.

Ugh . . . I told you before I think that's a bad situation.

Brittany:  Well, she knows she could stay here if she wanted to. And she also has another friend who offered. If it blows up in her face, she'll be fine.

Kayla:  That's good. At least she's got something to fall back on.

Brittany:  Be right back.

Ok, dog wanted out.

Kayla:  Dumb dogs . . . always wantin' something. 

Brittany:  Yeah. It's ok, though. He's my security system if shit goes down when I'm not here.

Kayla:  Anyway, your dinner plans are making me hungry . . . I'm gonna' have to get off here pretty soon to fix that situation.

Dogs are awesome security alarms.

Speaking of which, a friend of ours was telling us there have been something like 10 or 11 dogs poisoned to death in his neighborhood!

Brittany:  I'm not really sure what he'd do, lol.

Kayla:  He'd make a lot of noise. That's usually enough.

Brittany:  Breaking in when I AM here might be better. Quick. No mauling. But I heard about the dog poisoning. Who the fuck does that?

Kayla:  Did you??? I hadn't until said friend mentioned it.

Brittany:  Saw it on Channel 6.

Kayla:  Some asshole, obviously. I heard whoever it was used rat poisoning. Some people need to be lynched. He's killing people's family members, whether the perpetrator or the police understand that or not.

Brittany:  I'd bring out my evil black shotgun for someone like that.

Kayla:  It'd be worth it.

Brittany:  And yeah, I'd feel justified and sleep just fine that night.

Kayla:  Right?

Brittany:  People don't get too crazy out here. Kind of why I bought [my home] here. But harming my animals is about as good of an idea as harming my friends.

Kayla:  That's good. I mean, people don't typically get like this in that neighborhood, either, which is kinda' in the sticks, up in the hills.

Brittany:  Yeah. Anyone with some sense knows there are gun owners out in the sticks.

Kayla:  I know . . . and they are PISSED OFF. You do not fuck with people's pets. Bad, bad idea.

Brittany:  Probably some wannabe serial killer.

Kayla:  Gotta' be. Ugh.

Brittany:  Hopefully he'll encounter someone like me. Save a few future lives.

Kayla:  That's a pleasant thought.

On that note, I guess I'd better go make my pork chops. It's almost 8:00.

Brittany:  Yeah. If you don't make them by 8, the world ends.

Kayla:  I know. It's pretty dire. I mean, they go all radioactive and shit, and THEN what'm I gonna' do?

Brittany:  I guess I can "take care of my business" for the day. Vinyl suit and whip girl.

Kayla:  Lmao!!! I do not need updates on your "business."

Brittany:  lol. You started it. Your bad.

Kayla:  Sigh... true. There's no excuse.

Brittany:  But seriously, though. I'll try to work up a blog entry based on some of that stuff we were talking about on the phone. I'll email it when I do it. It's still fresh in my brain, so it should come together easily

Kayla:  Good. Strike while the iron's hot or some shit.

Brittany:  Yep. Well, go cook your pork chops.

Kayla:  I will. And they'll be mighty tasty.

Brittany:  I already ate. But I'll talk to you soon.

Kayla:  Curious creature, eating dinner before 8:00 at night. But, yeah, talk to ya' later.