Chat: Privilege, Politics, and Some Handy Memes for Snowflakes! ❄️

In which Brittany and Angela discuss life stuff, random FB messages from strangers, political daydreams, and how to define privilege for the privileged. 

Angela: So, what's been going on with you?

Brittany: Not too much today. Charity had her first date Friday, which apparently went pretty well. The rest of us had sushi that night because Kiara was like "I don't have a date. We should get sushi." Flawless logic, obviously.

What's been going on with you?

Angela: Lol! I like how that kid thinks.

Me, just doing the working mom going to school shuffle. I'm done with my 8 week course, though, and so I just have to focus on English Comp for the rest of the semester.

Brittany: Yeah. Political science, right?

Angela: Yes. Thinking of maybe double majoring in environmental science. Because I'm apparently insane.

Brittany: Double majors are a lot of work, but that fits you.

Angela: Yeah... I'm both excited by the prospect and terrified. Lol

But didn't you and your gals just go on a trip somewhere?

Brittany: We went to Austin City Limits. Just Trisha, Michelle, and I. The girls stay at their dad's when we do that. It was fun, but also sort of exhausting as usual. Got to see The Cure, and a bunch of other bands.

Angela: Fun! Was it just the weekend?

Brittany: 10 days, with the weekend being at the end. Between ACL and having teenagers, I'm actually pretty current on new music too. And they have a feminist book store out there, so that's where I bought the Tegan and Sara book and a few others.

Angela: Oh, that's neat. Austin is fantastic.

Brittany: Trisha and I started going in 2012, early in our relationship. Now Michelle goes too. Sort of a tradition every October now. Early October, sometimes the last couple days of September since we do more than the weekend. Tegan and Sara actually played that year.

Angela: I know they're one of your favorite bands. I saw your informal review of their book. Made me want to read it. 😊

Brittany: They have been for a long time. Did you order it?

Angela: No, not yet. But it's on the list

Brittany: I keep a list on the computer. Like my Netflix list, it's totally out of control now, and I'll definitely never complete it.

Angela: Lol, yes. There are so many things people say, "You haven't read/watched that yet??" Like, dude, we have the entire internet at our fingertips. There is too much stuff to get to. I can't experience it all.

Brittany (being random): LMAO. So one message from some random dude got through. So I decided to look at message request, and there a few more messages from dudes, and one from a couple.

Angela (recalibrating for random subject change): I assume these are all people you don't know?

Brittany: Look at your message requests. Then go to the filtered ones. You might find a ton of useless messages. And yeah. No mutual friends or anything. At least FB filters most of them.

Angela: That's effing weird. What do they want from you?

Brittany: It's all like "Hey" and being waved at, and other insanely creative things from people who have the conversational skills of, I don't know, a fucking brick or something.

Angela: Amazing. I'm scared to look at mine. I might die of boredom.

Brittany: Most of them are old, but the one that got me interested in looking was from today.

Angela: The one that just said, "Hey?"

Brittany: Yeah. But I know what it means when a man says "hey" to some random woman on the internet. It's just like, this isn't Tinder, bitches. Then again, I guess FB has a dating thing now.

Angela: Idk anyone who uses the FB dating thing. Lol

Brittany: I don't think I do either.

Angela: Poor Zuckerberg. I bet he's sad.

Brittany: Yeah. And Elizabeth Warren is so mean to him. I hope he has the inner strength to persevere.

Angela: Right?? AOC was pretty brutal, too.

Brittany: Yeah. I watched that one. I hope she makes it to president someday.

Angela: Same. (she says wistfully)

Brittany: For now, I waver a little between Sanders and Warren, but generally favor Warren.

If she wins, I get to be like "LOL 'Pocahontas' beat your ass, you dumb cheese covered cracker motherfucker."

Like I really need that to happen or I'll be sad.

Angela: Lol, right? I don't blame you. I especially want to see her publicly use the word "motherfucker." The headline would read: "Liz Gets Real" 😂

I saw a pretty convincing article from Time proposing they team up in the same ticket and I got all excited.

Brittany: I read that article when I saw you posted it. I'd love that ticket.

Angela: I really and truly believe if they teamed up they would be unstoppable.

Between her supporters and his, we'd have the election in the bag.

Brittany: That would be the ticket I'd be more excited about than any I've seen in 2 decades and change of voting.

Angela: Fact, same. I hope they're listening. I can't imagine who either of them could pick for VP that would make a better ticket than this. Or even as good.

Brittany: I mean, I don't hate Biden or anything. He's not a shitty person. Getting high with him and joking about how we can't remember shit would probably be fun, but I don't want a centrist for prez.

Angela: Lmfao! I kind of miss the days when he was just an adorable meme.

Brittany: The Obama/Biden memes were fucking hilarious.

Angela: Yep. Some of my very favorite of all time. 😂

And, you know, I was about to say we should get back to a trans-focused topic, but who am I kidding? Politics is, unfortunately, very important for trans rights. Both Bernie and Elizabeth want to abolish ICE, for starters.

Why ICE is bad and should be abolished, Exhibit A:

https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/adolfoflores/ice-surveillance-video-transgender-asylum-seeker?fbclid=IwAR23KYtRnIHkEZjHetuI4aWzk9MRPQ1OXLmZP4mhv-04ElggKENyAWIWric

Brittany: I guess so. At the end of the day, I want Trump out, and will vote accordingly. Clearly he's elevated beyond his level to function, and it fucking shows.

Yeah. I'm on board for abolishing ICE.

I found this meme on a friend's page. It's pretty accurate.

Angela: Ha! That's perfect. Trump's incompetent. And he has Pence directing his LGBTQ+ policies

Brittany: But there's no mystery surrounding what dumbass put him up there. Electoral college, obvi.

Angela: Right, sigh, I'd like to abolish that, too.

Brittany: Same.

Angela: The Elecoral College has really just become the Conservative Election Crutch.

Seems to be the only way they can win anymore.

Brittany: Right. They never evolved beyond their antiquated social attitudes, for one thing. There aren't that many GT Bynums so far. Without the EC, I imagine the party would effectively die outside of the local level.

Angela: Yep. And then we'd just have the Moderate (aka Centrist) Democrats and the Progressives. That is a 2 party situation I could deal with. Like, everyone agrees that everyone should all have the same civil rights, but we just disagree on economics, really. Centrist Dems are the hard core capitalists (what used to be called "fiscal conservatives") that want to ease everyone into slow, incremental change, and the progressives are all, "fuck that, people need this shit now." Check your box. 😂

Brittany: I'm tired of slow, incremental change. I'm too fucking old for this slow crawl I've been watching my whole life.

Angela: Yuuuuup. But that's what a lot of super privileged folks don't get. When you are being adversely affected by certain societal issues, incrementalism feels like nothing happening at all. You're still suffering. What change? Incrementalism only makes sense to someone who doesn't understand that suffering. In other words, it's a lack of empathy. 😕

Brittany: Yeah. That can be hard to explain to some people. You tell them being cis, het, and white makes their lives easier, and the tears just start flowing.

Angela: Haha, yes! It's so frustrating. Like, no one is saying you don't experience stuff that sucks. We're just saying marginalized people experience all the sucky things that you do in addition to all the sucky things they have to experience because they are marginalized.

Brittany: And they call us "snowflakes." LOL

And one more for shits and giggles. 

*Disclaimer: The "staff" of Becoming Brittany did not create nor do they own any rights to the memes posted here. We just think they're rad. Feel free to grab* and share freely. 

* The memes. We mean grab the memes, not people... unless they give consent. Thank you.

Burn the Fucking Patriarchy to the Ground

I don't know if some men might find some of this uncomfortable. Sometimes I feel like I should write a book titled My Loud Ass Opinion Made a Man Uncomfortable, and I Thought it was Funny: A Memoir.

I know I'm not alone in being tired of men, mostly white, cis-gender and heterosexual, and often incompetent men at that, leading this country, state, and so many other institutions. Sure, some of them are actually pretty great. Obama fit most of that description. I voted for him twice, and feel like he did a lot of good. What I get tired of in general, is the rampant institutionalized misogyny permeating not just the U.S., but the whole goddamn world, and the abuse that often comes with it. The #MeToo movement being such a recent phenomenon should tell you how difficult it has always been to speak up about the abuse, which is usually perpetrated by men against women, and it's far too rare for them to actually be held accountable. "He seems too nice. I can't imagine him doing that." "Boys will be boys. (especially powerful ones)." "What was she wearing?" "Was she drunk?" "Why was she walking around at night?" You could spend years reading shit where men are bashing the movement. They sure are threatened by it. Only internet porn is mildly more popular.

Women are paid less than men for the same work. We're expected to stay in the background, not be too loud, not take up too much space, support husbands, have babies, then prioritize those husbands and babies over any career ambitions we may have. That's legitimately the priority of some women. That's great, but it shouldn't be expected. And when a woman manages to have a great career AND take care of her family, it becomes this sort of obnoxious inspiration porn.

I'm also tired of powerful men constantly engaging in dick measuring contests with each other. I can't say for certain if having more women in power might reduce some of our senseless wars, but I'd like to take a shot at it.

I remember how excited I was when, no thanks to the red dump of a state I live in (though we did have Kendra Horn win a US House seat, and a small, but non-zero number of progressive women make local history, so maybe that's a good sign of things to come), I saw the news of Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and other women, several queer and of color being sworn in to the US House.

Representation matters. Of the entire time the US has existed, every President has been male, and with the one exception of Obama, white. I guess Trump is totally our first carrot colored President, but that's probably because he doesn't know how to properly use bronzer. No shame though. There are certainly a shit ton of far more important things to criticize that incompetent buffoon for. I can look at pictures of our government's leaders and and most corporate board members, and I end up seeing something that doesn't bear much resemblance to real life. You can Google this stuff. Just wear sun glasses. Always good to protect the eyes.

We're in a position now where record numbers of women, many of color and queer are running for higher office. The Democratic primary crowd is like a sea of women right now. If you claim you'd vote for a woman, and didn't vote for Hillary Clinton because you didn't like her in particular, fine. If you're coming up with strange, let alone nonsensical, reasons to be against about every woman running now, but not Bernie or the other men, maybe it's time to just admit to your biases. If Elizabeth Warren is too old for you, so is Bernie Sanders. Kamala Harris is 54. Gillibrand is 52. Tulsi Gabbard is 37, and a veteran. I mean, vote for whatever candidate what you want, but if you're against voting for a woman in general, just fucking own it. I don't want to vote for a man in the primary, so odds are I'm not going to. I own it. Voting is inherently discriminatory, so whatever.

I'll be real with you. Maybe I'm biased too. I'm a woman. I'm gay for the ladies. I live in a household of women. Excessive masculinity gets on my nerves. My militant feminism gets on some men's nerves. I would like to see a larger reality look a little more like my personal corner of the world.

Personally, my top pick is Elizabeth Warren. She's the closest match with my liberal snowflake values (CRAZY shit, like anti-racism, reproductive rights, social equality, access to affordable health care and child care, not treating this planet like a garbage dump as if we have another one to go to after we fuck it up, loving my amazing queer daughter every bit as much as my amazing straight one, etc.) among the women running who actually has a shot at becoming our first female President. She isn't "exactly" the same as Bernie, but yes, they're similar in a lot of way. If he wins the primary, I'll support him enthusiastically, but right now we have a real shot at a woman who knows what the fuck she's doing being able to reverse some of the damage Trump and Company have done. Emasculate Trump. Vote female.

One day, I'd really love to see more trans women, nonbinary, and queer people in general among those in power, but I'm OK with it if that needs to be worked up to over a few steps. Trans women made political history in in Minnesota (my home state) and Virginia during the midterms at the local level. I hope that's a sign of things to come. Sure, white cis het men need representation. I don't want to make you all disappear. I like it when you accuse me of wanting that though. Keep it up. I like making fun of you for it. All I want is to burn the white supremacist heteropatriarchy to the ground and light my weed with the flames. I know I'm asking a lot, but the least men could do is fucking sit one out. Maybe some long awaited change would happen.

Fuck Donald Trump.

Chat: Life After Loss, Women in Politics, and VAGINA DAY!

In which Brittany and Angela discuss "the wall," Brittany's picks for prez, family dynamics, and VD, not necessarily in that order. 

Brittany:  So many distractions over the last couple weeks we meant to chat.

Angela:  I know! How have things been going?

Brittany:  Pretty well. I was on the phone with my aunt earlier (mom's older sister). We never really used to be in touch, but ever since my mom died, we talk every Sunday.

Angela:  Oh wow, that's great! What kinds of things do you normally talk about?

Brittany:  Random shit mostly. What's going on in our lives, weather, etc.

Angela:  That's good to have that connection, I'm sure. To be able to talk to someone who was also a part of your mom since she passed.

Brittany:  Yeah. She's really the only non-local family I talk to regularly.

Angela:  Reminds me that I need to call my uncle. Haven't talked to him since Christmas. But he and I are trying to keep it going since my aunt died.

Brittany:  Yeah. It's easy to lose touch with people. She's also the only person I really call. I'm more of a text person.

Angela:  I think that part can be hard... the re-connecting to people after your "connection person" passes.

Brittany:  Yeah. And it's so easy to get distracted by whatever is going on in life.

Angela:  Exactly. Especially if you live far away from each other so you don't have much chance to connect in person. 😕
Is your aunt married?

Brittany:  No. She was a long time ago, but never re-married. She has an adult daughter in Wisconsin, where she lived until recently deciding to go to Arizona.

Angela:  So, like my uncle, she's basically alone.

 Brittany:  Yeah. She seems to like it that way though.

Angela:  That's good. Generalizing here, but I think women do better at being alone than most men.

There are obviously exceptions.

Brittany:  Maybe. Everyone on my mom's side seemed to do alright alone, including me.

Obviously I'm happy in my current relationship, but it rarely bothered me much when I was single for so long.

Angela:  But you're a girl. So that makes sense with what I was saying. 🙂

Brittany:  I suppose that's true.

Angela:  But obviously there are men who prefer to be alone. I'm probably just projecting because I worry about my uncle being a widower after being married for so long.

Brittany:  I know my dad seems to have trouble being alone. If his wife isn't around for some reason, I usually hear from him.

Angela:  Yeah. Also, men tend to remarry or get involved in another relationship faster, after a long term thing ends. But, you know, #notallmen

Brittany:  Lol

Angela:  Do you and your aunt talk about your mom much?

Brittany:  We did at first, but not so much lately. Her former bf/my friend talks about her a lot.

Angela:  That's good. Memories are important. So what have you and your family been up to lately? I know you had that unfortunate snafu with the dog.

Brittany:  Yeah. We went to eat at Olive Garden Friday. We game a lot on weekends too. Now Trisha and Michelle are out shopping, which I totally hate doing. The girls are at their dad's until later today.

What have you guys been up to?

Angela:  When you say game, do you mean video or board?

Brittany:  Mostly video. We're all nerds that way. Card Against Humanity is always fun though. And Risk.

My dad normally comes over about once a week, but he's in Vegas until later this month.

Angela:  Michael plays video games, and we at least used to play a lot of board games. But we went to that board game cafe, Shuffles, for his birthday a few weeks ago. That was fun.

Brittany:  Yeah. I keep meaning to check that place out, but then I see something shiny and get distracted.

Angela:  It got hard to play board games with the baby needing so much attention. We could probably play more now that he's got a semi-regular bedtime, we just keep getting distracted by other things. Like Netflix, haha.

Lol, right?

Brittany:  I love my dad, and will be happy to see him when he gets back, but I kind of enjoy the little breaks from arguing politics.

Angela:  Shiny things pretty much lead me around by the nose.

Oh, ugh, yeah I can see that. He's pretty conservative, right?

Brittany:  Maybe him too. My sister and her husband are pretty conservative too, though not like crazy. Except we were out eating downtown a little before Thanksgiving, and my sister said something to her daughter about Trump "keeping us safe." Puked in my mouth a little.

Angela:  😮 I don't think I've ever felt LESS safe.

Brittany:  My mom was always more liberal. I miss that sometimes.

Same.

Angela:  And I'm just a white girl. People don't think about what it's like for everyone who isn't a white cis person. People are fucking terrified right now!

Brittany:  Yeah. They're all white cis het too, so it can be hard to make them see certain things.

Angela:  But what do you and your dad normally argue about? Are there specific political issues, or is it just everything in general?

Brittany:  Trump's wall is the biggest thing lately. And he doesn't like Elizabeth Warren much, so that's probably coming, since she's like my dream POTUS.

Angela:  The wall is a big issue for a lot of people. I wish it wasn't. It's a stupid waste of time, attention, and money. But the Right is fixated on it.

Brittany:  And maybe AOC someday, but she's too young to run for a while, which is funny in a way. As long as you're at least 35 and US born, you can be the biggest fuckwit ever, and totally be president. Obviously.

Angela:  I know. AOC is amazing. But it's good to see what she can shake up in Congress. We need strong people like her there.

Brittany:  Yeah, and I'm super sick of the man show, so I'm all about more strong women getting to be in power.

Angela:  Definitely!

Brittany:  But yeah. A wall wouldn't work, and I don't like the imagery of becoming some medieval fucking fortress.

Angela:  I'm still a Bernie girl because I think he's the most genuine with his policies, but Warren is good, too. I do wish she'd left that Native American thing alone. It's a distraction we do not need right now.

100% agree

Brittany:  Not to mention if Mexicans were white, we wouldn't even be talking about walls.

Angela:  Also 100% yes.

Brittany:  Yeah. I don't know why she took Trump's bait. He got her on that one.

I don't see it costing her much if she wins the primary though.

Angela:  I think I read that Canadians are the most likely to overstay their visas than anyone else, but we're not trying to build a wall against Canada.

Oh no, if she wins the primary, I will be ALL WARREN, ALL THE TIME. 

I know some progressives are all hot for Tulsi Gabbard, but I don't see her getting far. Her past is just too icky.

Brittany:  Yeah. And I was really hoping Warren would run last time. I lover her and Bernie roughly equally, but the whole man show thing kind of sways me.

Part of me wants to overstay my visa in Canada. I don't have one, but still.

Angela:  I understand. I don't have those same issues with Bernie specifically, but otherwise yes. If it isn't Bernie, I hope it's Warren or Kamala.

SAME!

I could totally pass for Canadian, I think.

Brittany:  I mean, where I'm from isn't even that far south of there, so close enough. lol

Angela:  I lived up north long enough that I could fake the accent.

Exactly! I mean, dat's true, eh?

Brittany:  I still have enough MN accent that people notice sometimes, but it's definitely pretty watered down at this point.

Angela:  You been here too long. You're at least half Okie now.

Brittany:  Yeah. Feminist dyke whore with super progressive opinions. Ton of fun.

Angela:  Lol! You fit like a fish out of water!

Brittany:  So do you I guess, at least politically. You're probably the closest match in that dept I know who doesn't live in the same house I do.

Angela:  Lol! Awww... thanks! 😊

Oh hey, VD's coming up. Do you and your lady-loves enjoy VD? (That's Valentine's Day, for all you sickos out there!)

Brittany:  Yeah. It's Vagina Day for us sickos. We usually eat a big home cooked meal by me and do the gift thing.

No anniversaries on major restaurant days, so it's easier to go out then, and not wait an hour.

Angela:  Vagina Day! Lol, yes!

I think we're actually foregoing VD this year. But we focus more on our anniversary (which isn't til October) and birthdays, anyway.

But I have friends all over the spectrum on this one. Some people swear off Valentine's Day like the plague, and some of my people think it's the best day on the calendar.

Brittany:  My anniversary with Trisha is Feb 19. All of us together is in the spring.

Angela:  Oh, that's so close! Fun!

Brittany:  Yeah. We were spending time together on actual V Day 2012, but became formal shortly after.

Angela:  Well, like you said, skip the crowds that way. 😉

Brittany:  Yeah. Michelle is sort of crowd friendly, but Trisha and I are SO NOT.

Angela:  Lol! That's cute, the dynamic.

Brittany:  Michelle goes out with friends more than Trisha and I combined lol

Angela:  Hey, speaking of crowd friendly, you and I (or your and your girls and I, whatever) need to get together sometime soon. I haven't set eyes on your physical person in an age, it feels like.

Brittany:  Yeah. It's been a long time. Maybe something at your house or ours.

Wanted to chat for writing ideas. Think I have a couple potential ones from this chat.

Angela:  That would be fun. Or take turns for both!

Hey... random side note... can I still not buy wine on Sunday?

Brittany:  I think you probably can at the supermarket, but I'm not sure. Liquor stores still can't be open on Sunday unless a bill gets created and passes. If wine is all you want, I'd say just call first and ask. (This is why Brittany is the brains of the operation.)

Angela:  Ok, I'll work on getting this up in the next day or two. (I'm pretty sure Vagina Day is making it's way into the title). You let me know when you write your next blog post.

Brittany:  I will. Probably this weekend since it falls in between relationship celebrations.

Angela:  And I'll try to find a big vagina-ey flower to post with the chat. 🌺

Brittany:  Totally fits me. 😁

Lol. Already created a document with title and first sentence. I'll leave that out of the chat, though, to create suspense.

Angela:  Just like a writer... >.> *suspense deepens*

Brittany:  Well, let me know when you have the chat up. And have a fun Vagina Day 🙂

Angela:  I definitely will. And you do the same. 😉

Brittany:  Will do. Talk to you soon. 🙂