Chat: How Brittany & Angela Survive the Holidays (Thanksgiving Edition)

In which Brittany and Angela discuss the weather, Thanksgiving, anti-sex trafficking legislation, and politics, until our heroes get distracted by holiday booze...

Brittany:  How have you been?

Angela:  Been ok. Adjusting to the cold sooner than I'm used to, but I don't mind.

Found out my job is gonna be closed the day before Thanksgiving, so that's pretty awesome

What about you?

Brittany:  I don't mind it either. My favorite season in MN wasn't winter, but here winter is easy.

Mine is closed after, but not before.

Angela:  I miss northern winters, honestly

Brittany:  Yeah. When it snowed, people didn't totally lose their shit like here.

Angela:  Lol, right?

Brittany:  We had windows open yesterday for a while but heat on now. So random sometimes.

Angela:  I know; today was a big drop. But... it helps make it feel like the holidays.

What are you guys doing for Turkey Day?

Brittany:  Same. My dad is having Thanksgiving at his place. First time in a while, so we're doing that. All these people from his wife's family moved back to OK for various reasons, so going to be a big crowd.

Angela:  Lol, mine will be just the opposite. It'll just be me, hubby, and my 2 direct offispring at my dad's. My stepkids will be with their mom this year, and my brother's gotta work (yay, capitalism!) so his fam won't be there either. Up in the air as to whether we're hitting my in-laws after. 

But, so... do you know your stepmom's family very well?

Brittany:  They're doing it around lunch, which normally used to annoy me, but it allows us to go to Michelle's family for dinner.

Angela:  Are you bringing your whole household with you?

Brittany:  And not very well, other than a couple of her kids. I don't even know if they all know I'm trans, let alone poly. And yeah, we're all going to that, but the girls will be with their dad for dinner.

Angela:  Lol, that was gonna be my next question - are you worried at all about how they'll react to your "big gay family?" 😉

Brittany:  Not real worried. The main guy who was up north for so long is liberal as fuck, but you never know even then. As far as these other people coming, I don't even know what to expect.

I can handle it though. I'm hard like that.

Angela:  I know you can. ✊
I'm glad your dad finally came around so you can do family stuff like this. I know a lot of trans people can't.

Brittany:  Yeah. Some of us lose family relationships completely. He took a while, but he got there.

True.

He said like 25ish people. Some of them must be friends of her family.

Angela:  Well, that should be fun! O.o

How is Michelle's family with her bringing her two SOs?

Brittany:  They're cool with it. She came out as pan and poly a long time ago. Plus they aren't much older than I am, so they're not all super old fashioned.

Angela:  Yay! 🙂

Brittany:  Yeah. It's funny in a way. She's 28, and her parents are over there being less than decade older than I am. Such a cradle robber.

Angela:  Lol, we're so old.

Brittany:  She has 2 brothers. Not going to be a huge crowd like at my dad's.

Angela:  That's nice.

Are you guys bringing anything, to either shindig?

Brittany:  Potato salad to my dad's. More of that and some veggies for Michelle's

Angela:  Cool. I'm doing pies. 2, I think. My folks are actually getting catering from Zoe's. They usually cook, but are literally calling it in this year, lol.

Brittany:  My dad usually does most of the cooking at his place. He's just doing it as buffet and eat when you want because he got tired of people never being on time.

Angela:  Yeah, that's hard when you have a billion people coming.
Ok, so challenge question for all our LGBTQ friends out there who might be estranged from their families - do you, Brittany, know if the Equality Center is doing any holiday stuff? (I meant to google before we chatted and failed. Obviously.)

Brittany:  They generally do. I'll look up the time real quick.

November 23rd Thanksgiving dinner. Not clear on the time from their site.

Angela:  FTW! I remember a friend of ours used to do what he called "Un-Thanksgiving" and invited all his friends. What a lot of people call a Friendsgiving these days. That was always so much fun.

Brittany (Still doing her due diligence):  Ok. Tried FB. It's November 22nd, from noon to 3pm.

Angela (Still being a slacker):  Oh good! Thank you!

Brittany:  Link to their events: https://www.facebook.com/events/449096908947775/

Oklahomans for Equality

Non-profit organisation

621 E 4th St, Tulsa, Oklahoma 74120

Angela:  You are so good. 😊

Brittany:  I know right.

Angela:  😘
So, I started seeing a therapist (some depression and stress I need to work through), and one of the first questions she asked me is whether politics was stressing me out. And it made me wonder, do you have a lot of clients who come to you with politics-induced anxiety?

Brittany:  Yeah. It's sadly common. Everything from what you're describing to people scared to death after SESTA/FOSTA mad sex work more dangerous.

Angela:  What's SESTA/FOSTA?

Brittany:  The poorly thought out anti sex trafficking bill they passed a while back. What ends up happening is it pushes sex workers and trafficking victims further underground because web sites who were allowing it either shut down those sections or closed entirely.

Angela:  Ohhh, I did hear about that. I just didn't know the acronyms.

Brittany:  Yeah. The only senators who voted against it were Wydon and Rand Paul.

Angela:  Wydon? What state's (s)he out of?

Brittany:  I'm obviously all for fighting trafficking, but I feel like they actually made law enforcement's job harder, and people doing sex work by choice are finding it harder to vet clients.

Oregon

Ron Wyden. Spelled it wrong.

Like now they can't go online to work either. I was like WTF.

Angela:  Right.

Brittany:  Wyden actually understood the problem, I think. For Paul, it was just about censorship.

Angela:  And this got VERY little attention... but it sounds like your clients know about it. It's probably because people don't pay much attention to politics unless it affects them directly. 😕

Brittany:  A few of them are or have been sex workers.

Angela:  I figured. And I am SO glad sex workers have someone like you that they can talk to. Talk about a demographic pushed into the shadows. 

I've always thought sex work should be legalized so it could be regulated and sex workers could have some protections

Brittany:  Yeah, but not so overly regulated that it effectively makes it almost impossible to make any money. I'm more for decriminalization.

Angela:  That makes sense.

Brittany:  I've heard people say legalize it but push them out to the edges of town where, A) it could be harder to work, and 😎 they'd be isolated

That happy face was supposed to be a letter B.

Angela:  Lol, I figured

But no, that's not ok. :( 

Brittany:  Fuckin emojis. Can't even avoid them on a computer anymore. (Says old lady Brittany.)

Angela:  People are so fucking stupid about this kind of stuff. I get wanting sex work to be discreet, but I mean... people manage to keep their free sex lives discreet, I don't see why this should be any different.

Brittany:  Yeah, and you could actually be discreet on like Backpage, but doing that online just got a lot harder, and some have gone to the streets.

Angela:  Ugh. 😔

Brittany:  Well, this conversation took an unexpected turn.

Angela:  Lol, right?? But that's ok. It's what people are dealing with.

Brittany:  True. And a lot of trans women end up in sex work.

Angela:  Why do you think that is?

Brittany:  Employment discrimination, lack of other financial support.

Angela:  I thought it might be that. I wish it were rather that they just love sex so much that they feel they have a calling, lol. But I guess not many people, trans or otherwise, just want to sleep with other people for a living.

Brittany:  Yeah. It's usually a choice for lack of more appealing choices.

Angela:  Sigh... All the more reason to fight hard for trans rights in the workplace - anti discrimination laws, etc.

Brittany:  And a living wage.

Angela:  Yes. For trans and everyone. ... Evolving society is hard. 😔

Brittany:  I can't imagine trying to fund a transition on $7.25 an hour.

Angela:  But... I feel like the left is getting a lot more blatant with what we're fighting for now. 

Gods, I can't imagine paying for groceries on that. 😕

Brittany:  Yeah. Weird thing we might actually be able to thank the right for, ironically. Finally pushed us too far.

Angela:  Yep. Lol, I remember a conservative friend of mine posting some shit about "men dressed as women" in women's restrooms awhile back, and I finally commented about what a bigoted post it was. I try not to be combative on other people's posts, but sometimes, when it falls under that "going after other people's rights" umbrella, I just can't help myself.

Brittany:  Yeah. I'll let some minor disagreements go, but I'll start shit over statements like that.

My dad is fairly conservative, but not so much on those issues.

That's a thing I miss about my mom. She was the only other solid liberal in my bio family.

Angela:  Yeah. Mine, too. Though, he's an old-school fiscal conservative, and he is horrified by Trump.

I understand that. My mom's side was the liberal side, too. Funny that liberalism is almost a feminine thing.

Brittany:  Yeah. Fine though. Give matriarchy a chance.

Angela:  Yeah, I'm ready. 

Brittany:  Same.

Angela:  The House is looking a lot more matriarchal these days. 🙂

Brittany:  Yeah. I was happy with that. Even here, we have a woman going to the house, and Provenzano won her state seat. She was the only flip I predicted in OK.

Angela:  I know! 💙💙💙

Brittany:  She was kind of like the popular kid running for student body president. I knew she'd win. The US House seat surprised me though.

Angela:  Kendra Horn? I was pretty excited about that one

Brittany:  Yeah.

Angela:  One of the few light points coming out of Oklahoma in that election.

Brittany:  True. At least something genuinely surprised me that day.

Angela:  Well, and we had a few more state level positions go to teachers and other Dems. I think the GOP's grip is slipping, just a bit.

Brittany:  If they don't evolve, they'll probably be a thing of the past sooner than later.

Angela:  Well, yeah. I gotta believe that. I think the louder we are, the more likely change will come faster. There will be a lot of casualties along the way, because the bigots won't give up without a fight, often a physical one. But we just have to keep at it. Get louder and more blatant and refuse to hide.

Brittany:  That's pretty much my philosophy. Loud and proud.

Angela:  Sidenote - Shit. My friend just posted she started her aged eggnog and I haven't started mine yet! How the hell are we gonna get properly schnockered by Christmas??? Lol

Brittany:  Haha. I used to like eggnog well enough back when I drank alcohol.

Angela:  Man, we made it last year, the stuff that sets up for weeks before you can drink it, and that shit was STRONG. Thinking, if we make it this year, I might have to cut mine with some of the store bought stuff.

Brittany:  My dad probably has some store bought stuff. Never known him to make it.

Angela:  Mine, too. That's what most people do - buy it at the store and add booze (or don't) to your liking. But, being my weird foodie self, I gotta try the old fashioned way.

Brittany:  My dad's office in his house is practically enough to stock a liquor store.

Angela:  Wowwww! He should make his own eggnog. 😉

Brittany:  He doesn't seem to drink it heavily, but holiday people will for sure. Then he'll be all mad because they'll drink the fancy shit. I've seen this show before.

Angela:  Lol! Well, he should hide the fancy shit if he doesn't want it drunk.

Brittany:  He should, but probably won't.

Angela:  What can you do? 🤷‍♀️

Brittany:  I like to stick with my weed though. Maybe I'll smoke before I go in, so my sarcasm is 100% if I need it.

Angela:  LOL! Yes!

Brittany:  Can't wait till I can get medical instead of obtaining it the old timey way.

Angela:  Right? Have you gotten a referral yet?

Brittany:  I'm approved and all. Just waiting on dispensaries. I guess some are open around OKC, but I'm not going all the way out there to get weed. 

Angela:  I know you can buy plants locally, but I don't think it's available dried yet.

Brittany:  Nothing is really available here yet. Buying it legally in NV was sorts fun though.

Angela:  I wanna go to Colorado and see the dispensaries there.

Brittany:  Never bought any there, but we only stayed one night on the way back.

There was a place right by the hotel in Grand Junction.

Angela:  That's cool. Someday...

Brittany:  Probably a good spot. Like, "Hey bitches from OK, TX, WY, etc. in the hotel. Come to the weed store."

Angela:  Lol! Yes. Like the Pied Piper of weed.

Brittany:  Should probably wrap this up soon. I think we're going to go out to eat.

Angela:  I was just thinking the same. I need to get back to cooking.

Brittany:  Sounds good. Have fun cooking and making eggnog.

Angela:  I will! And good luck with your dad's people! May they be open minded liberals or too drunk to care either way. 😉

Brittany:  Lol. Thanks 🙂

Angela:  Talk to you soon!

Chat: Politics, Queer Counseling, and WTF Happened to Pride

In which Brittany and Angela discuss the recent Oklahoma midterm elections, current-ish events, Brittany's day job, and then realize they never posted a damn thing about Pride. 

Angela:  Mannnnnn so much has happened in the world since we last talked. Justice Kennedy's retirement has me pretty well petrified.

Brittany:  Yeah. I fully expect SCOTUS to be an arm of the republican party for the rest of my life 😞

Angela:  Exactly. Roe v. Wade has never looked so fragile. And LGBTQ rights. And... gah... everything. Just everything.

Brittany:  And I wouldn't be surprised if marriage equality and reproductive rights become things only accessible to people lucky enough to live in the right states.

Angela:  That's exactly what I'm seeing a lot of people thinking. It'll a revert to "states rights" and everyone living I red states will be screwed.

Brittany:  Even if Congress is flipped and we get a democratic president soon, it's still going to be a problem.

Angela:  I know. Just trying to figure out how to fight this, how to move forward is hard. How do you protect yourself from the most powerful court in the land?

Brittany:  Yeah. I don't know what it's going to be like. Hopefully we get lucky and he appoints what he thinks is a reliable right winger, but get another swing voter like Kennedy, but who knows.

Angela:  I know. I'm holding my breath for that. It's all I can do.

Brittany:  Unrelated, but thanks for sharing that post about the LGBTQ camping thing. Our oldest is going this week.

Angela:  Oh yay! I can't wait to hear how it goes! How long is it?

Brittany:  3 days. It's her first time really going off to do her own thing for more than like a night at a friend's house or whatever.

Angela:  Oh, I thought it would be longer, but since it's her first time, shorter is probably better.

Brittany:  It's Wed through Fri. That's just the schedule.

Angela:  That's cool. I'm just glad it exists. Especially here.

Brittany:  Yeah. She'll be able to meet some other queer kids that way.

Angela:  Exactly. It's good to know you're not alone, you know? Especially when you're a kid.

Brittany:  Right. Maybe I would've had a better sense of my own self had I had access to something like that when I was her age.

Angela:  Right? Human connection, and knowing you aren't a "freak" (in an outcast kind of way) makes a world of difference. Something like this can give kids confidence. Seems to me like it would go a long way toward staving off all kinds of neuroses.

Brittany:  Yeah. She was pretty self-aware anyway, maybe thanks to who her parents are and the internet. She came out at 11.

Angela:  Probably. And honestly, she was probably also just born at the right time (and to the right people). I think our kids are going to be so much more adept at handling true diversity than we were, and definitely than our parents' generation.

Brittany:  Definitely.

Angela:  SPEAKING OF WHICH, the rest of the world seems to be progressing, even if America is going backwards. The World Health Organization removing transgender as a "mental illness"... I think that's huge!

Brittany:  Yeah. Hopefully the DSM will follow soon.

Angela:  How does that work? Do they have some committee that decides these things?

Brittany:  The APA revises it every so often. Homosexuality used to be listed, but was removed a few revisions ago.

Angela:  Also, I saw that the WHO didn't remove transgender entirely, but moved it to another section. Something about preserving it there for health coverage purposes?

Brittany:  There's some debate about how to classify it, but simply a medical condition as opposed to a disorder would be an improvement.

Angela:  How do you think this will affect things? This change?

Brittany:  It might help with the stigma that still exists in the mental health profession. And honestly, the diagnosis of gender dysphoria is only really an issue so treatments can have a label and be prescribed. Can't say I'm a fan of all the gate keeping that goes on. Just listen to people and react accordingly. It's not like I needed someone to tell me I was trans (though some people just starting to have these feelings might still benefit from that).

Angela:  Yes 100% to that. And I do like lifting the stigma.

Brittany:  Same, though I like lifting the stigma of "mental disorder" in general, too.

Angela:  True. You've been counseling now for a while. I know you're taking low income patients. Have you had any trans or other LGBTQ patients? (Or do you call them clients?)

Brittany:  We generally call them clients. I don't yet have any trans clients, but they tend to send LGBTQ clients to me.

Angela:  What got you interested in counseling?

Brittany:  Trauma, actually. My own. Other people's. I got my undergraduate degree in 2002 and never really started to use it until 13 years later when I decided on grad school.

Angela:  You seem to enjoy it. I mean, I'm sure it's not always fun, but it seems to be fulfilling, at least.

Brittany:  Yeah. It can be difficult at times, even triggering. And sometimes you get problematic clients, but I really love it in general. But I know what it's like to be struggling with untreated mental health issues, questioning my own gender and queerness, and not having money for any support. 

Angela:  What kind of client load do you handle? Is it a lot?

Brittany:  Eight 50 minute appointments per day for the most part. Mostly regular, but sometimes I get a new one, or an appointment from a client of someone not at work. During intake, clients who are LGBTQ and/or dealing with trauma get assigned to me because that's my expertise.

Angela:  Are they all adults, or.do you take minors, too?

Brittany:  Adults, but there is a program for children.

Angela:  Do you feel comfortable saying what organization you're working with?

Brittany:  It's in my about section if you want to look at it, but I don't want to disclose publicly. Though, if anyone asks on the blog or BB page about finding help, I can refer them.

Angela:  Great! ❤

Brittany:  I've had people I know personally be like, "Can I see you for counseling?" But no, there's an ethical issue. They can get help where I work, but not from me.

Angela:  Oh, that kind of makes sense. Also, working with trauma clients has to be hard. Do you ever have a hard time leaving your work at work?

Brittany:  Not really. It can be triggering, but when I leave my office, it stays there. I'm like the fucking queen of compartmentalization.

Angela:  Lol, that's probably good. Not everyone can do that.

Brittany:  True. You kind of have to have some ability for it given the amount of emotional labor involved.

Angela:  What kind of issues come up with your LGBTQ clients? With trauma... unfortunately, I can imagine.

Brittany:  Trauma is unfortunately fairly common. Some are closeted. Family members aren't always accepting. Being on the receiving end of bullying during the younger years is pretty common among the obviously queer. Depression and anxiety are common. I imagine when I get a trans client, they're going to need resources for support, maybe unemployment. Trans is expensive if you want to do anything medical like hormones.

Angela:  Yes, definitely. And, I imagine, it's harder for them to get work, especially here. You can "hide" being "just gay" better than transgender.

Brittany:  Yeah. Support here in general can be a little thin, compared to, say, Los Angeles. So, I wanted to help my own communities. Not to mention we're more likely to be low income and priced out of a lot of available care.

Angela:  I totally get that. There's a need, and you can help fill it. What do you tell clients who don't really have any support system to speak of? I mean... our friends are pretty supportive and awesome, but not everyone has even that.

Brittany:  Yes. 😔 I've told quite a few about support groups at the Equality Center. We don't have any queer-based group where I work. We have groups for other things though, like depression, social anxiety, etc.

Angela:  Do you think those latter groups are open and accepting enough for LGBTQ clients?

Brittany:  They are. Thankfully, it's a matter of policy.

Angela:  Oh, good. ❤ And, I am so glad Tulsa's Equality Center exists, btw. I honestly can't imagine our city without them.

Brittany:  It's actually the 6th biggest in the US. Interesting fact.

Angela:  Wow! 6th biggest... in Oklahoma?? Now I need to look up where the top 5 are located!

Brittany:  My bet would be LA, SF, NYC for 3 of them, but I haven't actually looked it up. I know LA has more than one building, but haven't been to any others.

Angela:  You're probably right. But it's surprising that ours is so high in the list. There are lots of bigger cities than ours.

Brittany:  Tulsa seems to have a lot of LGBTQ people for its size, so that helps.

Angela:  Oh, and duh, Pride! How was it? I didn't get to go! Lol. Went through the whole month of June and didn't talk about Pride. Fucking blogger fail.

Brittany:  It was fun as always. We rarely stay long, because I still can’t deal with the heat even after living here 27 years (27 years in August). I'm not really sure how many people were there, but it's been around 30,000 at times. Weird how I don't have any social anxiety at Pride or ACL, but totally everywhere else. Lol. I should've written something.

Angela:  You still can. Call the post, "It's July but Fuck It, Every Month Should Be Pride Month" 😉

Brittany:  Yeah. That's something I might actually use as a title.

Angela:  Lol, happy to help.But that really does make sense, though. That you would feel comfortable surrounded by people you know aren't going to judge you or reject you.

Brittany:  True.

Angela:  Which, I know we're winding down here, and not to start a whole new tangent, but it brings me to the question: I've seen some articles recently about some abominable excuses for people wanting to remove the "T" in LGBTQ. Which enrages me. But... have you run into any of that here?

Brittany:  I haven't run into it personally, but I see it going around sometimes, which is ridiculous considering it was fed up trans women of color who threw the first bricks and kicked off this whole movement. Fucking ingrates. Transphobia (and biphobia) are still pretty common among a lot of LG people.

Angela:  THANK YOU! It's bullshit! Like, how the fuck you gonna adopt the fucking RAINBOW as your symbol and then attempt to push out an entire classification of people like that?? Ugh.

Brittany:  Thankfully I don't see much of that sentiment in Tulsa.

Angela:  I’m glad. I hadn't either, just saw stuff online. But it was enough to raise my hackles... and make me worry. It's disturbing the places you find bigotry sometimes.

Brittany:  I think, in the not so distant future, they might realize the need as many on their team as possible, but we'll see. There are more people who embrace trans people among their number than reject them. I don't think the bigots will ever gain traction. 

The Equality Center has always been good as long as I've had any experience with it. They have trans and bi support groups, among other things. I got the therapist's number I had to see for 3 months before getting hormones from there. All it took was a phone call on my part.

Angela:  Yes. They're pretty awesome. They even host some pagan activities! Which, they don't have to. It's not specifically LGBTQ driven, but I think they recognize an ally in most pagan communities, and their underrepresentation in our region.

Brittany:  True. And they have things like the NYE party for sober people. They don't have a super narrow focus. They're big enough not to.

Angela:  They're like a beacon of love in the middle of Tulsa. 😊

Brittany:  Yeah. They're also a cooling station on nasty hot days. People from the street can enjoy the air conditioning and water whether queer or not.

Angela:  Oh, that's awesome. There are a whole lot of homeless people downtown. That can be lifesaving for them.

Brittany:  I think most stay in that area because there are more shelters and places to eat there. I see some elsewhere, though. There are remnants of someone in the field by the house near what's left of Remington tower. Never seen anyone there, but there are water bottles in trees to collect condensation. Some survivalist who doesn't want to deal with shelters, I guess.

Angela:  Probably right. And even the shelters can only help so much. Many are at or over capacity. Summertime is rough on our homeless population. Daytime, anyway. Nighttime is better. Less dangerous. Until you get to winter.

Brittany:  True, though winter is becoming less of a thing here.

Angela:  I know. Which is another kind of scary. ☹

Brittany:  I'm from the Twin Cities. I can only imagine what they do in a place even I consider cold.

Angela:  I think they probably have a lot bigger and better outreach, though. Minneapolis seems to have its shit together way better than we do when it comes to taking care of its people.

Brittany:  Yeah. I miss that. Here they don't do much, and they suck at managing finances.

Angela:  Definitely.

Brittany:  Hopefully some changes happen after November.

Angela:  YES.

Brittany:  This will be the first time I've ever had runoffs to vote in.

Angela:  Me, too! August. This is crazy.

Brittany:  Mostly I got what I wanted, though. Also crazy.

Angela:  Yeah, me too. It was like the most exciting election night since Obama won! Lol. But shit is changing. People aren't just voting for the status quo anymore. 

Brittany:  Yeah. Hell, even the republicans weren't voting for the status quo. We don't have to worry about Tood Lamb.

*Todd

Angela:  I know! So excited! I like Tood better. Let's leave it like that. 

Brittany:  Yeah. Fuck it. His name is Tood now.

Angela:  Bye bye, Tood!

Brittany:  Lol. Well, I guess we should wrap this up. 

Angela:  Yes. I need to get some shit done around the house. Have a good night with your people.

Brittany:  You, too. 🙂