State of the State a/k/a How to Help Your Kids Survive in America

In which Brittany and Angela discuss local politics and the state of the country and the subtle (and not-so-subtle) attacks on the LGBTQ+ community and other minorities of late. We wish we could make this post more fun, but shit has definitely reached the level of Way Too Fucking Real and we just can't candy-coat these things. Sorry, Loves. 

Angela:  Sorry I'm so late. My Sunday got a little sidetracked. But, what's been going on in your world?

Brittany:  Not too much. We went to Mayfest for a bit yesterday, and Trisha and Michelle wanted to go again today. I'm getting some alone time while they have their date (girls are with their dad).

Angela:  Oh, that's nice! We skipped Mayfest this year. Too many home projects going on.

And then Brittany and Angela embarked upon a private conversation about one of Angela's children, which she's chosen to omit so as not to embarrass said offspring. You didn't want to hear about all that mom stuff, anyway.

Brittany:  So anyway, onto our real topic?

Angela:  Lol, yes. Sorry. 

Brittany:  Haha. I totally contributed, too.

Angela:  We were going to discuss the implications of our illustrious governor signing off on that adoption bill. Which I really hope is not constitutional, but... are lgbtq+ a protected class yet, federally?

Brittany:  Yeah. It isn't a ban, and she actually stated that the state agencies would not discriminate. Saw it on News on 6 I think. She made a point of it, but someone is probably going to discriminate at some point, and we'll see where that legal battle goes.

And no, not federally.

It's a cheap shot at attempting to undermine marriage equality like a lot of shitty bills states are passing.

Angela:  But, thing is... even more than trampling on adoptive parents' rights, religious adoption agencies and churches are, from what I understand, pretty big players in the adoption world... won't this trample on the children's rights by limiting their options to find adoptive parents? I mean, they have no control over who has control over them. And it's hard to get adopted if you aren't a perfectly healthy infant.

Brittany:  It would limit their potential homes with those agencies. Also, a lot of those kids are LGBTQ+. Who knows how many the agencies don't know about… or DO know about. Nothing good comes from them being placed with anti-queer parents or foster parents if the agencies prefer them.

Angela:  Gods... yes. That's just terrifying. The suicide rate is already high for these youths. And the rate of runaways and LGBTQ+ minors getting kicked out of the home. 

Brittany:  The whole national climate has been feeling pretty homo/trans phobic lately. States passing discriminatory "religious freedom" laws, Trump banning trans people from the military (or attempting to). The CDC just decided to stop collecting data for LGBTQ people, specifically. It doesn't create a supportive environment when the government seems to want to erase us entirely.

Angela:  For all that progress made... idk how we could have let the nation just slip back into the Dark Ages like this.

Brittany:  It has Pence's stink all over it. Trump probably wouldn't think of half this shit on his own, but it's a good way to keep the base happy. It's no wonder anti-LGBTQ violence has been up lately.

Angela:  I know it. This with the revisiting of anti-abortion laws... shit is getting out of control fast.

Brittany:  Yeah. I was surprised when Fallin vetoed a total abortion ban here a while back, but she probably didn't want the court battles.

Angela:  Surprising, also, considering the court battles she'll be fighting on this adoption bill.

Brittany:  She's termed out. She doesn't care. Going to be someone else's problem.

But I'm not happy with the trend of subtly treating us like we're something that needs to be pushed under the rug or generally frowned upon. Especially seeing what types of people feel all super validated in their bigotry right now.

Angela:  Well, exactly! A lot of these ultra-conservatives have some wicked skeletons in their closets. Child porn, rape, molestation. Hell, even the milder stuff like hiring hookers and using campaign funds to keep the hookers quiet. These are some twisted people trying to use "morality" as some kind of weapon against law abiding citizens. It's beyond shameful.

Brittany:  True. It's not so rare I hear about one of these people getting caught doing the things they claim to hate. 

My daughters are black, and the oldest is bi. I worry about them being out in this climate sometimes.

Angela:  I hear you. I'm hoping we can get back some control in the midterms.

Brittany:  Granted, the climate has never been ideal, and I remember before Obama, who helped a lot, but my bi kid turns 14 in August. She doesn't remember much before that.

Angela:  Have you and your daughters talked about this much? The state of the country and what we're facing here?

Brittany:  We do. That and police violence, and what to do if bothered by cops. Racism and queerphobic attitudes obviously intersect.

Angela:  What kinds of things do you tell them? How do you approach it?

Brittany:  Be aware of their surroundings, be super cooperative and friendly with a cop even if that cop is being a dick, hands visible, etc. Charity wouldn't be visibly queer unless she's holding another girl's hand or something, but she knows surroundings matter, even though such things shouldn't be a complex fucking science.

Angela:  True. Sigh. Have they run into any problems in school?

Brittany:  I have the benefit of being white. No one looks at me because of that, but people of color are often being looked at for that alone. Any other things bigots might take issue with are that much more likely to be noticed too at that point since they're already in policing mode. They don't. Our youngest is probably straight, but Charity is pretty open. Other kids don't seem to care that much. 

And there have been no problems with teachers or school cops so far. But you never know. Anything could happen.

Angela:  I know. Especially these days.

Brittany:  Some nutjob gets a hold of his dad's guns... idk how any of what's happening could look like "great" to anyone. My parents never had to worry about my appearance being policed or anything. I was just another white boy. And shootings seemed somewhat less common. We didn't even have school cops when I was a kid

It seems like all these hateful fuckers got what they wanted in 2016, but they're still all angry and violent.

Angela:  True. Though, for people of color, especially black people, that problem has been around for them for, well, probably as long as America has existed.

But the school shootings... that's another thing entirely.

Brittany:  Yeah. I went that direction somehow, maybe because they have actual shooting drills, which is scary.

Angela:  I know. We never had anything like this when we were kids. It's insane.

Brittany:  I have minimal faith that liberals will do much about gun control, but at least when things change, the climate of violent male entitlement and open bigotry will probably be somewhat less intense. Just tired of waiting, and this administration and their policies are still young. Even the TX shooter picked his location where his ex gf was. Big surprise there.

That link I posted the other day... You know it's a fucked up climate if that woman can go harass a trans woman in the bathroom and fucking live stream it, though in LA that'll probably sink her political ambitions.

Angela:  Absolutely, it's fucked up! And Roy Moore almost winning an election, and the GOP having actual known white supremacists on the ticket.

And the Dems' inability to stand on their damn principles is why I've decided to vote for the most progressive candidate there is, in any race, even when "the party" says they can't win. I'm pretty much done being told to vote for whoever they've picked as their darling when this kind of shit is on the line. Especially in the primaries. That's when you really get the chance to make your voice heard, but people still shy away from great fucking candidates who will actually DO SOMETHING.

Brittany:  My best hope for dems is they'll do slightly more than the nothing that is getting done now. Everything is fucking upside down. 

Angela:  They're almost worthless. We need people who aren't going to bow and scrape to the middle ground.

Brittany:  But at least they can generally be trusted not to nurture an openly bigoted climate at this point.

Angela:  True. I’ll vote for any Democrat in a general election if that’s all I’ve got. But I feel the Dems are just as guilty in allowing all this shit to happen. I mean, obviously I am a Democrat. I just want my party to do better. To be better.

Brittany:  Yeah. And they have little history of really standing up to the NRA. They still have work to do regarding equal rights, but at least Obama nudged them in the right direction.

Angela:  Yes. A lot of people (progressives) have issues with some of Obama's policies, but we can't deny that he did some really good work, too.

Brittany:  True.

Angela:  We needed him. I'd take him back in a heartbeat.

Brittany:  I think they're likely to become more progressive, however gradually, because that's the only way they're going to win.

Angela:  I think that's true, too. Especially when so many of us are so pissed at the old "centrist" line. Fuck that. There are lives on the line. And the middle has lost us all the ground we ever had.

Brittany:  As much as I want universal health care, what I want more is for my daughters, my partners, other people of color, myself, and other queer and trans people to be able to feel reasonably safe on the street, at school, if approached by a cop, etc.

Angela:  But, uh, while we're on the topic of politics and bad governors signing shitty legislation, any thoughts yet on who you like for governor this next election? 

Brittany:  Looking at Connie Johnson, but not totally decided yet.

Angela:  I <3 Connie Johnson.

And I think, as for police violence, we're gonna need an entire systemic overhaul.

Brittany:  Yeah. We need a change. Tired of what's been the status quo the entire fucking time I've lived down here.

Angela:  Yes. And yes, so tired.

Brittany:  I think watching TV is increasing my typos. Have fun editing. LOL.

Angela:  Lol, it's fine.

Brittany:  Kind of veered off the main topic, but then again all these things we talk about intersect, so maybe it's not as chaotic as it seems.

Angela:  I agree. And I'm sure this stuff will come up again in the future. We'll zone in where we can.

Brittany:  I should probably wrap this up. Mayfest closes soon, and I'm grilling when the partners and kids get home.

Angela:  Yeah, I need to start on dinner, too. Ok, I'll get this edited and let you know when it's ready! 

Brittany:  Ok. Have fun.

Angela:  Lol, you, too!

And then Brittany and Angela went on their merry ways, feeding their families and living their normal, everyday, flaming liberal/progressive lives, rubbing elbows with the racists and bigots and working to keep themselves, and the rest of humanity, safe. Sometimes just existing is an act of defiance. 

Becoming Brittany: In the Beginning

KAYLA

I have known for awhile that Brittany was planning to commit to gender reassignment.  We lost touch for a time and I thought that by the next time we spoke, he would be she.  However, when we made contact again, it seemed nothing much had changed.  I was wrong, of course.  These things take time and a not inconsiderable amount of money, but her plans were still in place.  It became apparent that she was on the eve of her turning point; she was only a few weeks away from taking her first doses of hormones and hormone blockers, the elements of Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT).  This was a big moment in my friend's life—perhaps the biggest.  After several conversations—me asking how she thought her family would react, her asking if “xx” women tended to pee more often than men (a question which had to be clarified for me since my mind was a million miles away from chromosomes)--the idea surfaced that we should document this process.  There are many transgender individuals out there who are considering taking these steps, and many more who simply feel like they have to hide who they are and that no one understands them.  And besides, the people who aren't transgender, but who are interested in how the “other half” live, might want to see how this all really happens, and what it's like when a fellow human being struggles with being transgender (and especially changing their gender) in our society.  We saw the opportunity sitting before us, to raise awareness of this issue in our Bible Belt town and beyond.  And we knew, with the hormones already starting to do their job, it was now or never.  

First, I want you to know up front that Brittany isn't a freak.  She isn't showy and in-your-face.  In fact, she's one of the most level-headed and unpretentious people I know.  She doesn't want to be a rock star or a Broadway show girl.  She just wants to be who she is.  If you are willing to come with respect and good will, then we invite you into our little room here to take part in the journey.  We're glad to have you.  Everything's more fun with friends.

BRITTANY

I told myself I'd get this gender transition started in 2011. It wasn't a New Year's resolution. I don't make those. It was more like December 2010 anyway. I called a physician who specializes in this because I couldn't find any therapists online. You have to see a therapist for 3 months for hormones, then live full-time for one year for surgery. The physician I called gave me the number for a few therapists who specialize in this. I chose the most conveniently located one, and saw him for the first time on 3.28.11, which was nice. First step taken. He also has a trans son (so "female to male, FTM," whereas I'm "male to female, MTF”,although I personally find these terms sort of annoying, since I identify simply as female). He understands the issues. Most of time we sort of sit there & bullshit about politics and such, but address any issues as they come up. I'm happy with him, & will probably keep seeing him every other Monday at least until surgery. Shortly after starting these sessions, I started electrolysis to remove facial hair since hormone treatments don't help with that. It's more effective than laser from what I understand. They stick a small needle into each hair follicle, then apply a slight electrical current to permanently kill it, then pull the hair out. You can't really feel the current. Just the needle. The woman who did this took care to make it as comfortable as possible.  

I received my hormone letter from my therapist on 6.20.11, which clears people like myself for hormone replacement therapy (HRT) & promptly posted it on Facebook as a filtered entry. I'm not out to all of my family yet. I saw the physician (same one who referred me to the therapist in March), went through a brief physical, and received prescriptions for an anti-androgen (testosterone blocker) and an estrogen (female hormone). It kind of shocked me that it's really that fucking easy. Go to Walgreen's. Buy pills. As I've been waiting my whole life to do this, it was almost underwhelming. I waited until the next day to start. It was late when I got them. I take one dose of anti-androgen and 2 of estrogen in the morning, then do the same at night. I took the very first doses at 5AM 6.22.11. By 8AM I was already pissing more than usual. It's a side effect that comes almost immediately. Soon I will basically begin female puberty. My skin will become softer. Body hair will thin down. Some may disappear altogether. If I need more electrolysis for that, I'll do it, but it’s best to wait and see. Luckily I don't have a lot to begin with. I will grow and develop breasts. What little fat I have will be redistributed in a more feminine manner. Eventually I will go full time, then surgery. The exact amount of time can't really be determined. Everyone develops at a different rate like any teenager going through puberty.

There is still a lot ahead of me in this transition. Thankfully I have mostly supportive friends. Really, a lot of them reacted like I told them the grass was green. My family will probably be supportive once they process it all. Lots of people have it a lot harder, especially in areas like Oklahoma where the loudest voices aren’t always the ones worth listening to. That’s part of the reason Kayla and I are documenting this, which we will be doing throughout the process. It can easily seem like there is no one else around going through this stuff, but it really isn’t so uncommon.