Chat: Life After Loss, Women in Politics, and VAGINA DAY!

In which Brittany and Angela discuss "the wall," Brittany's picks for prez, family dynamics, and VD, not necessarily in that order. 

Brittany:  So many distractions over the last couple weeks we meant to chat.

Angela:  I know! How have things been going?

Brittany:  Pretty well. I was on the phone with my aunt earlier (mom's older sister). We never really used to be in touch, but ever since my mom died, we talk every Sunday.

Angela:  Oh wow, that's great! What kinds of things do you normally talk about?

Brittany:  Random shit mostly. What's going on in our lives, weather, etc.

Angela:  That's good to have that connection, I'm sure. To be able to talk to someone who was also a part of your mom since she passed.

Brittany:  Yeah. She's really the only non-local family I talk to regularly.

Angela:  Reminds me that I need to call my uncle. Haven't talked to him since Christmas. But he and I are trying to keep it going since my aunt died.

Brittany:  Yeah. It's easy to lose touch with people. She's also the only person I really call. I'm more of a text person.

Angela:  I think that part can be hard... the re-connecting to people after your "connection person" passes.

Brittany:  Yeah. And it's so easy to get distracted by whatever is going on in life.

Angela:  Exactly. Especially if you live far away from each other so you don't have much chance to connect in person. 😕
Is your aunt married?

Brittany:  No. She was a long time ago, but never re-married. She has an adult daughter in Wisconsin, where she lived until recently deciding to go to Arizona.

Angela:  So, like my uncle, she's basically alone.

 Brittany:  Yeah. She seems to like it that way though.

Angela:  That's good. Generalizing here, but I think women do better at being alone than most men.

There are obviously exceptions.

Brittany:  Maybe. Everyone on my mom's side seemed to do alright alone, including me.

Obviously I'm happy in my current relationship, but it rarely bothered me much when I was single for so long.

Angela:  But you're a girl. So that makes sense with what I was saying. 🙂

Brittany:  I suppose that's true.

Angela:  But obviously there are men who prefer to be alone. I'm probably just projecting because I worry about my uncle being a widower after being married for so long.

Brittany:  I know my dad seems to have trouble being alone. If his wife isn't around for some reason, I usually hear from him.

Angela:  Yeah. Also, men tend to remarry or get involved in another relationship faster, after a long term thing ends. But, you know, #notallmen

Brittany:  Lol

Angela:  Do you and your aunt talk about your mom much?

Brittany:  We did at first, but not so much lately. Her former bf/my friend talks about her a lot.

Angela:  That's good. Memories are important. So what have you and your family been up to lately? I know you had that unfortunate snafu with the dog.

Brittany:  Yeah. We went to eat at Olive Garden Friday. We game a lot on weekends too. Now Trisha and Michelle are out shopping, which I totally hate doing. The girls are at their dad's until later today.

What have you guys been up to?

Angela:  When you say game, do you mean video or board?

Brittany:  Mostly video. We're all nerds that way. Card Against Humanity is always fun though. And Risk.

My dad normally comes over about once a week, but he's in Vegas until later this month.

Angela:  Michael plays video games, and we at least used to play a lot of board games. But we went to that board game cafe, Shuffles, for his birthday a few weeks ago. That was fun.

Brittany:  Yeah. I keep meaning to check that place out, but then I see something shiny and get distracted.

Angela:  It got hard to play board games with the baby needing so much attention. We could probably play more now that he's got a semi-regular bedtime, we just keep getting distracted by other things. Like Netflix, haha.

Lol, right?

Brittany:  I love my dad, and will be happy to see him when he gets back, but I kind of enjoy the little breaks from arguing politics.

Angela:  Shiny things pretty much lead me around by the nose.

Oh, ugh, yeah I can see that. He's pretty conservative, right?

Brittany:  Maybe him too. My sister and her husband are pretty conservative too, though not like crazy. Except we were out eating downtown a little before Thanksgiving, and my sister said something to her daughter about Trump "keeping us safe." Puked in my mouth a little.

Angela:  😮 I don't think I've ever felt LESS safe.

Brittany:  My mom was always more liberal. I miss that sometimes.

Same.

Angela:  And I'm just a white girl. People don't think about what it's like for everyone who isn't a white cis person. People are fucking terrified right now!

Brittany:  Yeah. They're all white cis het too, so it can be hard to make them see certain things.

Angela:  But what do you and your dad normally argue about? Are there specific political issues, or is it just everything in general?

Brittany:  Trump's wall is the biggest thing lately. And he doesn't like Elizabeth Warren much, so that's probably coming, since she's like my dream POTUS.

Angela:  The wall is a big issue for a lot of people. I wish it wasn't. It's a stupid waste of time, attention, and money. But the Right is fixated on it.

Brittany:  And maybe AOC someday, but she's too young to run for a while, which is funny in a way. As long as you're at least 35 and US born, you can be the biggest fuckwit ever, and totally be president. Obviously.

Angela:  I know. AOC is amazing. But it's good to see what she can shake up in Congress. We need strong people like her there.

Brittany:  Yeah, and I'm super sick of the man show, so I'm all about more strong women getting to be in power.

Angela:  Definitely!

Brittany:  But yeah. A wall wouldn't work, and I don't like the imagery of becoming some medieval fucking fortress.

Angela:  I'm still a Bernie girl because I think he's the most genuine with his policies, but Warren is good, too. I do wish she'd left that Native American thing alone. It's a distraction we do not need right now.

100% agree

Brittany:  Not to mention if Mexicans were white, we wouldn't even be talking about walls.

Angela:  Also 100% yes.

Brittany:  Yeah. I don't know why she took Trump's bait. He got her on that one.

I don't see it costing her much if she wins the primary though.

Angela:  I think I read that Canadians are the most likely to overstay their visas than anyone else, but we're not trying to build a wall against Canada.

Oh no, if she wins the primary, I will be ALL WARREN, ALL THE TIME. 

I know some progressives are all hot for Tulsi Gabbard, but I don't see her getting far. Her past is just too icky.

Brittany:  Yeah. And I was really hoping Warren would run last time. I lover her and Bernie roughly equally, but the whole man show thing kind of sways me.

Part of me wants to overstay my visa in Canada. I don't have one, but still.

Angela:  I understand. I don't have those same issues with Bernie specifically, but otherwise yes. If it isn't Bernie, I hope it's Warren or Kamala.

SAME!

I could totally pass for Canadian, I think.

Brittany:  I mean, where I'm from isn't even that far south of there, so close enough. lol

Angela:  I lived up north long enough that I could fake the accent.

Exactly! I mean, dat's true, eh?

Brittany:  I still have enough MN accent that people notice sometimes, but it's definitely pretty watered down at this point.

Angela:  You been here too long. You're at least half Okie now.

Brittany:  Yeah. Feminist dyke whore with super progressive opinions. Ton of fun.

Angela:  Lol! You fit like a fish out of water!

Brittany:  So do you I guess, at least politically. You're probably the closest match in that dept I know who doesn't live in the same house I do.

Angela:  Lol! Awww... thanks! 😊

Oh hey, VD's coming up. Do you and your lady-loves enjoy VD? (That's Valentine's Day, for all you sickos out there!)

Brittany:  Yeah. It's Vagina Day for us sickos. We usually eat a big home cooked meal by me and do the gift thing.

No anniversaries on major restaurant days, so it's easier to go out then, and not wait an hour.

Angela:  Vagina Day! Lol, yes!

I think we're actually foregoing VD this year. But we focus more on our anniversary (which isn't til October) and birthdays, anyway.

But I have friends all over the spectrum on this one. Some people swear off Valentine's Day like the plague, and some of my people think it's the best day on the calendar.

Brittany:  My anniversary with Trisha is Feb 19. All of us together is in the spring.

Angela:  Oh, that's so close! Fun!

Brittany:  Yeah. We were spending time together on actual V Day 2012, but became formal shortly after.

Angela:  Well, like you said, skip the crowds that way. 😉

Brittany:  Yeah. Michelle is sort of crowd friendly, but Trisha and I are SO NOT.

Angela:  Lol! That's cute, the dynamic.

Brittany:  Michelle goes out with friends more than Trisha and I combined lol

Angela:  Hey, speaking of crowd friendly, you and I (or your and your girls and I, whatever) need to get together sometime soon. I haven't set eyes on your physical person in an age, it feels like.

Brittany:  Yeah. It's been a long time. Maybe something at your house or ours.

Wanted to chat for writing ideas. Think I have a couple potential ones from this chat.

Angela:  That would be fun. Or take turns for both!

Hey... random side note... can I still not buy wine on Sunday?

Brittany:  I think you probably can at the supermarket, but I'm not sure. Liquor stores still can't be open on Sunday unless a bill gets created and passes. If wine is all you want, I'd say just call first and ask. (This is why Brittany is the brains of the operation.)

Angela:  Ok, I'll work on getting this up in the next day or two. (I'm pretty sure Vagina Day is making it's way into the title). You let me know when you write your next blog post.

Brittany:  I will. Probably this weekend since it falls in between relationship celebrations.

Angela:  And I'll try to find a big vagina-ey flower to post with the chat. 🌺

Brittany:  Totally fits me. 😁

Lol. Already created a document with title and first sentence. I'll leave that out of the chat, though, to create suspense.

Angela:  Just like a writer... >.> *suspense deepens*

Brittany:  Well, let me know when you have the chat up. And have a fun Vagina Day 🙂

Angela:  I definitely will. And you do the same. 😉

Brittany:  Will do. Talk to you soon. 🙂

Chat: How Brittany & Angela Survive the Holidays (Thanksgiving Edition)

In which Brittany and Angela discuss the weather, Thanksgiving, anti-sex trafficking legislation, and politics, until our heroes get distracted by holiday booze...

Brittany:  How have you been?

Angela:  Been ok. Adjusting to the cold sooner than I'm used to, but I don't mind.

Found out my job is gonna be closed the day before Thanksgiving, so that's pretty awesome

What about you?

Brittany:  I don't mind it either. My favorite season in MN wasn't winter, but here winter is easy.

Mine is closed after, but not before.

Angela:  I miss northern winters, honestly

Brittany:  Yeah. When it snowed, people didn't totally lose their shit like here.

Angela:  Lol, right?

Brittany:  We had windows open yesterday for a while but heat on now. So random sometimes.

Angela:  I know; today was a big drop. But... it helps make it feel like the holidays.

What are you guys doing for Turkey Day?

Brittany:  Same. My dad is having Thanksgiving at his place. First time in a while, so we're doing that. All these people from his wife's family moved back to OK for various reasons, so going to be a big crowd.

Angela:  Lol, mine will be just the opposite. It'll just be me, hubby, and my 2 direct offispring at my dad's. My stepkids will be with their mom this year, and my brother's gotta work (yay, capitalism!) so his fam won't be there either. Up in the air as to whether we're hitting my in-laws after. 

But, so... do you know your stepmom's family very well?

Brittany:  They're doing it around lunch, which normally used to annoy me, but it allows us to go to Michelle's family for dinner.

Angela:  Are you bringing your whole household with you?

Brittany:  And not very well, other than a couple of her kids. I don't even know if they all know I'm trans, let alone poly. And yeah, we're all going to that, but the girls will be with their dad for dinner.

Angela:  Lol, that was gonna be my next question - are you worried at all about how they'll react to your "big gay family?" 😉

Brittany:  Not real worried. The main guy who was up north for so long is liberal as fuck, but you never know even then. As far as these other people coming, I don't even know what to expect.

I can handle it though. I'm hard like that.

Angela:  I know you can. ✊
I'm glad your dad finally came around so you can do family stuff like this. I know a lot of trans people can't.

Brittany:  Yeah. Some of us lose family relationships completely. He took a while, but he got there.

True.

He said like 25ish people. Some of them must be friends of her family.

Angela:  Well, that should be fun! O.o

How is Michelle's family with her bringing her two SOs?

Brittany:  They're cool with it. She came out as pan and poly a long time ago. Plus they aren't much older than I am, so they're not all super old fashioned.

Angela:  Yay! 🙂

Brittany:  Yeah. It's funny in a way. She's 28, and her parents are over there being less than decade older than I am. Such a cradle robber.

Angela:  Lol, we're so old.

Brittany:  She has 2 brothers. Not going to be a huge crowd like at my dad's.

Angela:  That's nice.

Are you guys bringing anything, to either shindig?

Brittany:  Potato salad to my dad's. More of that and some veggies for Michelle's

Angela:  Cool. I'm doing pies. 2, I think. My folks are actually getting catering from Zoe's. They usually cook, but are literally calling it in this year, lol.

Brittany:  My dad usually does most of the cooking at his place. He's just doing it as buffet and eat when you want because he got tired of people never being on time.

Angela:  Yeah, that's hard when you have a billion people coming.
Ok, so challenge question for all our LGBTQ friends out there who might be estranged from their families - do you, Brittany, know if the Equality Center is doing any holiday stuff? (I meant to google before we chatted and failed. Obviously.)

Brittany:  They generally do. I'll look up the time real quick.

November 23rd Thanksgiving dinner. Not clear on the time from their site.

Angela:  FTW! I remember a friend of ours used to do what he called "Un-Thanksgiving" and invited all his friends. What a lot of people call a Friendsgiving these days. That was always so much fun.

Brittany (Still doing her due diligence):  Ok. Tried FB. It's November 22nd, from noon to 3pm.

Angela (Still being a slacker):  Oh good! Thank you!

Brittany:  Link to their events: https://www.facebook.com/events/449096908947775/

Oklahomans for Equality

Non-profit organisation

621 E 4th St, Tulsa, Oklahoma 74120

Angela:  You are so good. 😊

Brittany:  I know right.

Angela:  😘
So, I started seeing a therapist (some depression and stress I need to work through), and one of the first questions she asked me is whether politics was stressing me out. And it made me wonder, do you have a lot of clients who come to you with politics-induced anxiety?

Brittany:  Yeah. It's sadly common. Everything from what you're describing to people scared to death after SESTA/FOSTA mad sex work more dangerous.

Angela:  What's SESTA/FOSTA?

Brittany:  The poorly thought out anti sex trafficking bill they passed a while back. What ends up happening is it pushes sex workers and trafficking victims further underground because web sites who were allowing it either shut down those sections or closed entirely.

Angela:  Ohhh, I did hear about that. I just didn't know the acronyms.

Brittany:  Yeah. The only senators who voted against it were Wydon and Rand Paul.

Angela:  Wydon? What state's (s)he out of?

Brittany:  I'm obviously all for fighting trafficking, but I feel like they actually made law enforcement's job harder, and people doing sex work by choice are finding it harder to vet clients.

Oregon

Ron Wyden. Spelled it wrong.

Like now they can't go online to work either. I was like WTF.

Angela:  Right.

Brittany:  Wyden actually understood the problem, I think. For Paul, it was just about censorship.

Angela:  And this got VERY little attention... but it sounds like your clients know about it. It's probably because people don't pay much attention to politics unless it affects them directly. 😕

Brittany:  A few of them are or have been sex workers.

Angela:  I figured. And I am SO glad sex workers have someone like you that they can talk to. Talk about a demographic pushed into the shadows. 

I've always thought sex work should be legalized so it could be regulated and sex workers could have some protections

Brittany:  Yeah, but not so overly regulated that it effectively makes it almost impossible to make any money. I'm more for decriminalization.

Angela:  That makes sense.

Brittany:  I've heard people say legalize it but push them out to the edges of town where, A) it could be harder to work, and 😎 they'd be isolated

That happy face was supposed to be a letter B.

Angela:  Lol, I figured

But no, that's not ok. :( 

Brittany:  Fuckin emojis. Can't even avoid them on a computer anymore. (Says old lady Brittany.)

Angela:  People are so fucking stupid about this kind of stuff. I get wanting sex work to be discreet, but I mean... people manage to keep their free sex lives discreet, I don't see why this should be any different.

Brittany:  Yeah, and you could actually be discreet on like Backpage, but doing that online just got a lot harder, and some have gone to the streets.

Angela:  Ugh. 😔

Brittany:  Well, this conversation took an unexpected turn.

Angela:  Lol, right?? But that's ok. It's what people are dealing with.

Brittany:  True. And a lot of trans women end up in sex work.

Angela:  Why do you think that is?

Brittany:  Employment discrimination, lack of other financial support.

Angela:  I thought it might be that. I wish it were rather that they just love sex so much that they feel they have a calling, lol. But I guess not many people, trans or otherwise, just want to sleep with other people for a living.

Brittany:  Yeah. It's usually a choice for lack of more appealing choices.

Angela:  Sigh... All the more reason to fight hard for trans rights in the workplace - anti discrimination laws, etc.

Brittany:  And a living wage.

Angela:  Yes. For trans and everyone. ... Evolving society is hard. 😔

Brittany:  I can't imagine trying to fund a transition on $7.25 an hour.

Angela:  But... I feel like the left is getting a lot more blatant with what we're fighting for now. 

Gods, I can't imagine paying for groceries on that. 😕

Brittany:  Yeah. Weird thing we might actually be able to thank the right for, ironically. Finally pushed us too far.

Angela:  Yep. Lol, I remember a conservative friend of mine posting some shit about "men dressed as women" in women's restrooms awhile back, and I finally commented about what a bigoted post it was. I try not to be combative on other people's posts, but sometimes, when it falls under that "going after other people's rights" umbrella, I just can't help myself.

Brittany:  Yeah. I'll let some minor disagreements go, but I'll start shit over statements like that.

My dad is fairly conservative, but not so much on those issues.

That's a thing I miss about my mom. She was the only other solid liberal in my bio family.

Angela:  Yeah. Mine, too. Though, he's an old-school fiscal conservative, and he is horrified by Trump.

I understand that. My mom's side was the liberal side, too. Funny that liberalism is almost a feminine thing.

Brittany:  Yeah. Fine though. Give matriarchy a chance.

Angela:  Yeah, I'm ready. 

Brittany:  Same.

Angela:  The House is looking a lot more matriarchal these days. 🙂

Brittany:  Yeah. I was happy with that. Even here, we have a woman going to the house, and Provenzano won her state seat. She was the only flip I predicted in OK.

Angela:  I know! 💙💙💙

Brittany:  She was kind of like the popular kid running for student body president. I knew she'd win. The US House seat surprised me though.

Angela:  Kendra Horn? I was pretty excited about that one

Brittany:  Yeah.

Angela:  One of the few light points coming out of Oklahoma in that election.

Brittany:  True. At least something genuinely surprised me that day.

Angela:  Well, and we had a few more state level positions go to teachers and other Dems. I think the GOP's grip is slipping, just a bit.

Brittany:  If they don't evolve, they'll probably be a thing of the past sooner than later.

Angela:  Well, yeah. I gotta believe that. I think the louder we are, the more likely change will come faster. There will be a lot of casualties along the way, because the bigots won't give up without a fight, often a physical one. But we just have to keep at it. Get louder and more blatant and refuse to hide.

Brittany:  That's pretty much my philosophy. Loud and proud.

Angela:  Sidenote - Shit. My friend just posted she started her aged eggnog and I haven't started mine yet! How the hell are we gonna get properly schnockered by Christmas??? Lol

Brittany:  Haha. I used to like eggnog well enough back when I drank alcohol.

Angela:  Man, we made it last year, the stuff that sets up for weeks before you can drink it, and that shit was STRONG. Thinking, if we make it this year, I might have to cut mine with some of the store bought stuff.

Brittany:  My dad probably has some store bought stuff. Never known him to make it.

Angela:  Mine, too. That's what most people do - buy it at the store and add booze (or don't) to your liking. But, being my weird foodie self, I gotta try the old fashioned way.

Brittany:  My dad's office in his house is practically enough to stock a liquor store.

Angela:  Wowwww! He should make his own eggnog. 😉

Brittany:  He doesn't seem to drink it heavily, but holiday people will for sure. Then he'll be all mad because they'll drink the fancy shit. I've seen this show before.

Angela:  Lol! Well, he should hide the fancy shit if he doesn't want it drunk.

Brittany:  He should, but probably won't.

Angela:  What can you do? 🤷‍♀️

Brittany:  I like to stick with my weed though. Maybe I'll smoke before I go in, so my sarcasm is 100% if I need it.

Angela:  LOL! Yes!

Brittany:  Can't wait till I can get medical instead of obtaining it the old timey way.

Angela:  Right? Have you gotten a referral yet?

Brittany:  I'm approved and all. Just waiting on dispensaries. I guess some are open around OKC, but I'm not going all the way out there to get weed. 

Angela:  I know you can buy plants locally, but I don't think it's available dried yet.

Brittany:  Nothing is really available here yet. Buying it legally in NV was sorts fun though.

Angela:  I wanna go to Colorado and see the dispensaries there.

Brittany:  Never bought any there, but we only stayed one night on the way back.

There was a place right by the hotel in Grand Junction.

Angela:  That's cool. Someday...

Brittany:  Probably a good spot. Like, "Hey bitches from OK, TX, WY, etc. in the hotel. Come to the weed store."

Angela:  Lol! Yes. Like the Pied Piper of weed.

Brittany:  Should probably wrap this up soon. I think we're going to go out to eat.

Angela:  I was just thinking the same. I need to get back to cooking.

Brittany:  Sounds good. Have fun cooking and making eggnog.

Angela:  I will! And good luck with your dad's people! May they be open minded liberals or too drunk to care either way. 😉

Brittany:  Lol. Thanks 🙂

Angela:  Talk to you soon!

A Very Poly Relationship

Special note for our readers: Brittany's cohort in these blog chats has been flying under the pseudonym "Kayla" in previous posts due to the strongly conservative nature of her day job. She has since moved onto another company and so feels comfortable now going by her given name, Angela, and sharing on her personal social media to help boost the signal. Just, ya know, in case you were confused. Kayla=Angela, same broad. 😉

We open on an overcast afternoon, with Brittany and Angela catching up on their day, waiting for it to rain. The conversation quickly turns... alternative. 

Angela: I'm here!

Brittany: Same!

Angela: Yay! How are the puppers?

Brittany:  They're happy. There is a small field not too far from here. They seem to understand to stay off the street, so we let them run around there.

Angela:  Good dogs! I have to work just trying to keep mine from darting out the front door for her favorite game: Jail Break (watch the humans chase me!)

Brittany:  Thought it was supposed to rain today, but fuck no. Kiara is watering the gardens. This place has become like a humid desert lately.

Angela:  Ugh, yes. But my eldest had to walk to work today, so I’m ok with it holding out for just a little

Brittany:  Yeah. We have the windows open. I was just going to water, but my 11 year old volunteered. A preteen volunteering to do shit. Lol. Bizarro World

Angela:  Definitely! I ask our teenagers (multiple) to do things around the house and I get the world’s longest “UUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGHHHHH“

Brittany:  Fortunately, we only have 2. Charity is 13. They aren't real confrontational over minor shit most of the time.

Angela:  Well, sprinkle some magic dust on her to keep her willingly helpful for as long as possible.

Brittany:  Lol. They're a lot easier than I was.

Angela:  I was fairly compliant (natural people-pleaser). I just snuck around and lied about shit.

But, I saw on FB you went out with your ladies last night. How was that? It was supposedly something super gay.  

Brittany:  Pretty good. We actually ate at home, but went to see a late showing of Love, Simon. Simon is totally gay.

Angela:  I haven’t even heard of this. (So, in white-cis-Oklahoma that means it must be Gay.)

Brittany:  Yeah. We found it surfing Fandango to see what movies are around. We'll probably see A Wrinkle in Time sometime soon, too. We'll definitely take the girls to that one,

Angela:  I want to see A Wrinkle in Time, too. 
Was Simon playing at The Circle (our little Indie arthouse theater that isn’t afraid of The Gay, for our out-of-town readers), or a mainstream theater?

Brittany:  Mainstream at Promenade. Maybe other places too, but Promenade is close, so we generally go there. 

Angela:  When we lived dover there, we practically lived at the AMC across from Promenade. Now we live at the Warren because it has a cry room. (More clarification for our readers - if you don't know, a cry room is a nice little soundproof place where parents can take babies and little kids to watch a movie on the big screen without worrying that their screaming offspring will disturb other movie-goers. This is not, in fact, a place where you go to cry about your life. Unless the toddler in question is dumping a vat of pink lemonade onto your cell phone... then you might cry in there, too.)

Brittany:  Last night was a date night, since the girls weren't here.

Angela:  Nice! I know you generally have an IDGAF attitude about these things (which is enviable), but do you gals ever get any flack when you’re all out together? I mean, do you think people realize you’re obviously together, romantically, the 3 of you?

Brittany:  Now and then, if we're being affectionate enough and not in a dark theater where no one can see it. More often, people just assume we're friends because they're used to seeing hetero monogamous people. Or at least male/female couples, and they just assume heterosexuality and monogamy on their part.

Angela:  Do you feel like you have to act differently in public (more so than a hetero couple or even a monogamous same-sex couple) than at home? Like, do you consciously keep the  PDA to a minimum?

Brittany:  It depends on where we are and whether we care on any given day. We're kind of careful if we're in an environment that seems sketchy. Then places like the dyke bar are totally fine. People just find it interesting. 

But sometimes we honestly don't give a fuck.

If we're at some gas station in the sticks between Dallas and here, we're more careful.

Angela:  That makes sense. I was also thinking that it helps a little that you’re all women. Women are known to be more outwardly affectionate than men, so seeing 3 girls holding hands or with their arms around each other wouldn’t necessarily seem “gross” or “offensive," like it would if you were men.

Sadly

Brittany:  It does. Until you get some perv wanting to get it on it.

Angela:  Ugh. Right. More of that toxic masculinity stuff were talking about last time. 

Just don’t kiss or anything. Because then you’re heading right into porno country, cover the children’s eyes, you need Jesus.

Brittany:  Lol.  Shit like that goes on everywhere, but OK can be a difficult place sometimes.

Angela:  I know. It’s just a bit more concentrated in the South. (And yes, I have had long debates and in-depth research into what region of the US Oklahoma is considered to belong, and we are officially The South. Fight me.)

Brittany:  Yeah. I consider it south, too. Southern culture here, good and bad, and I'm from MN, so everyone is south to me.

Angela:  Lol! I’m from all over *gestures vaguely* so I don‘t have a preference, but according to Official Sources, we’re definitely South. But I get why people think Midwest, too, being right next to that region. We’re influenced by both. But the bigotry... I’d never seen anything like it before I moved here as a teenager. And I lived for several years in Texas! Like, we make Texas look progressive.

Brittany:  Well, aside from abortion. We definitely have better access to abortion than Texans do. Idk why.

Some people seem to think to think love is a finite resource,  so like for me to love 2 people, I have to divide it so it's less for each. That isn't accurate at all.

Angela:  I’ve heard that perspective. I have come to the conclusion that monogamy isn’t about love. I’m monogamous, but it has more to do with a person’s ability to be open to more than one person. And, depending on the person, that person’s ability to not be jealous. There’s probably a more eloquent way to put that, but in essence...

Brittany:  Yeah. Monogamy is perfectly valid, though not for everyone. You put that perfectly.

Angela:  It would be a lot better if more people understood and accepted that fact. I don’t understand why we define our entire societal structure on our tight definition of “normal” relationships.

Brittany:  We aren't real prone to jealousy in general. A lot of people in poly relationships or open relationships use the word compersion. The opposite of jealousy.

Angela:  You 3... you’re raising kids, running a household, contributing to society. What’s the problem?

Compersion. I have never heard that term.

Brittany:  Yeah. I don't think it exists in the dictionary at this time, but it exists. In the world.

But yeah. We're just 3 women raising a family in a house with some pets. Our lifestyle isn't super flamboyant. We're fairly introverted most of the time.

Sure threesome and some kinky shit happen with a certain regularity, but we're pretty private about it.

Angela:  Monogamous couples do kinky shit, too. People just don't talk about it.

Do you think there is much jealousy in many polyamorous relationships? I mean, I know it seems counter-intuitive, but I'm sure it comes up.

Brittany:  Yeah, People tend to assume poly = kinky. Maybe we're more open to certain things, but not all poly people are kinky, and not all monogamous people are vanilla. It's not like there's a litmus test.

(Jealousy) isn't uncommon, but it can be addressed and processed. Boundaries in general are important, and make a big difference.

Angela:  I feel like, and correct me if I'm wrong, that people getting into poly relationships are naturally better at communicating and drawing those boundaries in a clear way (better than many monogamous couples), simply because they know what they are getting into isn't conventional. Is that right?

Brittany:  I mean, there are poly curious (and kink curious) noobs running around trying things without looking into what it means. They can end up in an unhealthy situation, but most other poly people I've come across seem to be a little better at that.

Some probably research it. I did. Others end up with someone who already understands communication and boundaries.

Angela:  That makes sense. People are stupid, no matter what they're into. But It's good that you did some research. More mono couples should probably do that, too.

Brittany:  Yeah. I've seen plenty of mono people with a horrible sense of boundaries. Maybe mono people are more likely to assume it'll just fall into place like in the romantic movies.

Angela:  Exactly that. 

When did you figure out that you'd be open to a relationship like that?

Brittany:  Trisha and I were open sexually from day 1, but it wasn't until we got to know Michelle that we knew we wanted her in the actual relationship as opposed to some casual thing.

Angela:  That's neat.

Brittany:  I met Michelle 4 days into grad school. For a while, it was pretty casual with her, then with all of us. Eventually it became a serious relationship.

Getting close to 2 years of serious now.

Angela

That's fantastic!

Brittany:  I think so.

Angela:  Do you feel like there are any alphas in the relationship, or are you all on pretty equal footing?

Brittany:  Trisha is the most dominant sexually. I'm a little bit alpha when it comes to finances, but I've always been on top of money related things. I'm the most submissive sexually. People who interact with me only outside of that context seem all suprised to find out for some reason. But, for the most part, we're on equal footing, and communicate in a healthy way.

Speaking of finances, an advantage people don't always think about: Triple income situation.

Angela:  Right????

Brittany:  Like the mortgage is just over $800. Divide that by 3 and get an awesome number.

Angela:  Ok, that brings me to the living arrangement situation. Are you all 3 in the same bedroom? Separate rooms?

Brittany:  We sleep in the same bed. "King size" is big enough. None of us are very big.

Angela:  But all your stuff fits in the same room? You don't feel cramped at all? (these are the weird things my brain wonders when pondering how people fit even just one extra person into a long-term relationship, lol)

Brittany:  There's a big dresser in the closet, and some clothes have ended up in the girls' bathroom since it's huge and has cabinets. They have their own dressers in their rooms, so it's not really an issue.
We have our things that we do alone and with different pairings (like kickboxing is Michelle and I's thing), but we always come together in the end.

Angela:  That's great. Do Trisha and Michelle do things together, without you? Or are you sort of the connective glue that keeps you all together?

Brittany:  They do, and that's awesome to me that they have their time.

Angela:  That is pretty great that you each relate to each other individually as well as as a unit.

Brittany:  Yeah. And other than books and vinyls taking up space, it isn't too cluttered. Things no one needed anymore either got sold, given away, or put that in the attic.

It's a 3 bedroom house.

Angela:  So, what does a typical day in your household look like? Schedule-wise. Does everyone work outside the home? Do you juggle responsibilities? Housework? Cooking?

Brittany:  We share housework. I cook a lot of the time, but Charity likes to pretty frequently. She wants to go to culinary school, which she'll be great at if she does. Trisha works a 7am schedule outside the home. Michelle and I are both 8am schedule.

Usually, we eat around 6 or 7pm and either watch tv or end up doing separate things. Reading, on the computer etc.

Angela:  Sounds pretty standard.

Brittany:  Yeah. Not so exotic.

From here the convo dissolves into boring gotta-gos and promises of editing and publishing and plans for the next post. You don't wanna read all that.