Solving Life's Great Mysteries

Will Dad ever fully come around to accepting his son-turned-lesbo-daughter? Does Brittany still have sperm? What is the difference between swingers and poly people? Brittany and Kayla attempt to answer all these questions and more.

June 26, 2012

Kayla:  So, I saw you had a date with dad. How'd that go?

Brittany:  It was alright. It was just me, so the girls had to fend for themselves that night. Not gonna say everything is better with him, but there is improvement.

Kayla:  I assume you two talked about the gender transition? Or... at least his acceptance of it?

Brittany:  No, actually. That's what makes me cautious. It just kinda went down like shit was never bad in the first place. But we'll see how it goes over time. I haven't talked to him since that night.

Kayla:  Sigh... so what did you talk about?

Brittany:  We talked about the usual stuff. Basically a bunch of small talk.

Kayla:  Ah. You just drove around, I guess? Go out to eat or anything?

Brittany:  We ate over there. He made a couple steaks. Add a couple martinis and I realized how my alcohol tolerance has gone down.

Kayla:  Lol! Cheap date.  But... no going out in public, I guess...

Brittany:  No. I just went over there for a while, then came home.

Kayla:  Well, at least he wasn't hateful... and he made an effort to invite you out. That's something.

Brittany:  Sorry. It's awkward to talk about, I think because it seems somehow so insignificant.

Kayla:  Yeah... I get that. Blah.

Brittany:  But it's an improvement. I still haven't talked to my mom, but I give 0 fucks I guess. She's crazy. At least my dad is fairly calm most of the time.

Kayla:  That's good... good to have the "fairly calm" one still talking to you. Better than the alternative.
What else has been going on?

Brittany:  Mostly living this family life. I'm becoming accustomed to it, which is a good thing.
Crystal is 37 weeks now apparently.

Kayla:  Oh good for her! Is she super excited?

Brittany:  Yeah. She's been trying for a while. She wanted her boy and got it.

Kayla:  I know she has. I'm so glad this finally worked out for them. Oh, a boy! Do they have a name yet?

Brittany:  I think Jerry, actually. His dad's name and grandpa's name (on Jerry's side). Yeah. Jerry Jerome IV.

Kayla:  Ah. Family name. Cool.

Brittany:  Yeah, and she said she's getting fixed immediately after. Lol. She just wanted one more, I guess.

Kayla:  The earth thanks her for being so sensible.

Brittany:  Trisha got fixed after 2. She's fixed. I'm sterile. No worries there.

Kayla:  I think 2's a good number. I never wanted any more than 3. Not that I got anywhere near that number.

That is the nice thing about being a lesbian couple. Nobody's gotta' worry about getting knocked up.

Brittany:  Yeah, though i'm pre-op

Kayla:  That's true... I guess you've still got all your baby-making equipment. Why are you sterile? What happened?

Brittany:  Just hormones. Female hormones eventually make you sterile.

People like me, anyway.

Kayla:  I didn't know they'd make you sterile. Makes sense, I suppose, if the hormones lower your testosterone levels enough... I don't understand how that affects your sperm count, though.

Brittany:   I still have sperm, they just don't do anything. Lol.

Kayla:  They don't do anything? Man, I'm gonna' need a biology text book to follow this... why don't they "do anything?" (or do you know?)

Brittany:   Because they aren't healthy enough to do anything.

But that's fine. Fathering a child would be like the epitome of awkward.  I guess some people use a sperm bank and such. It's not an issue for me. Even when I got the blood work that said “sterile,” I didn't feel like I lost anything.

Kayla:  Not everyone feels driven to create progeny. I've got at least one friend (other than you) who never felt like that mattered to her.

Or, rather, I should say she felt strongly that she *shouldn't* have children... sociological and environmental reasons, I think mostly. But that would take a guest interview to get to the bottom of that topic.

Brittany:   Fine by me.

To me, I was happy to find out. That meant we could fluid bond for sure since no one could make half a kid.

Kayla:  We'll have to see if we can pull her in sometime. My Sarah - you know her online. She reads us.  And just think of the threesome jokes!

Brittany:  The one in Minneapolis?

Kayla:   Yes'm.

*snort* "half a kid" ... that just creates all kinds of horror story visuals.

Brittany:  Maybe I don't have sperm. I can't remember. There are either none in there, or they're useless. I'll ask my hormone doctor next time.

Kayla:  Do that. For posterity and all.

Brittany:  Point is, I can't make any babies and that's good enough for me. Lol.

Kayla:  And you didn't actually have to have an operation to get that way! Win!

Brittany:  lol.

Kayla:  Though I'm sure the world wide web will be on the edge of their seats, waiting to find out if you do, in fact, still have sperm.

These are the pressing questions in life.

Brittany:  I texted, but I'm waiting.

Kayla:  Lol! You actually just texted that question to your hormone doc?

Brittany:  Yeah. Lol, why not?

Kayla:  If your hormone doc answers you tonight, we will have to post his/her name on here and shout it from the rooftops - ANYONE GOING THROUGH A GENDER TRANSITION, THIS HORMONE DOC ROCKS!

(Just sayin')

Brittany:  She's the one from the equality center who retired. I haven't seen a new one yet since I have so many refills.

Kayla:  Oh hells bells... of course she's retired... oh well.  How long will your refills carry you?

Brittany:  5 months. She gave me referrals. I'll pick one when it gets closer.

Kayla:  Oh, that's good. At least you have some names to start with...

Having an on-call retired hormone doc rocks.

Brittany:  Bitches love me. I can't help it.

Oh ok. No sperm, or too few unhealthy ones. They don't get produced because the cells atrophy. Nice.
But it looks the same so whatever.

Kayla:  They atrophe... wow... it's so sad, and yet... so very convenient!

You're lovable. And no, you can't.

Brittany:  I guess it's not like we'd have any accidental pregnancies, anyway, with her being fixed.

Kayla:  True.

Brittany:  But I wanted everything 100% before we started doing things that way, and only with each other.

Kayla:  Always better to be safe than sorry. (I sound like a goddamned public service announcement.)

Brittany:  Not that we really go looking for anyone else. That's basically theoretical, I guess. We can if we communicate about it, but we don't.

Kayla:  When you're really fulfilled with your partner, looking outside is rarely necessary... maybe if you guys just get bored or something... but you sound like you're too into each other to get bored.

Brittany:  I guess there just isn't a need, but if it happens, safe sex is required. That way our little world stays closed off from problems.

Kayla:  Definitely.

Brittany:  Once neither of us could make babies, we confirmed being negative on diseases, and decided we don't need protection with each other.

This must be something for you to sit there and read, lol.

Kayla:  What do you mean? About you and Trisha's open relationship?

Brittany:  Not that so much as I told you we don't use condoms and such. Lol. She thinks it's funny when I show her this.

Kayla:  I bet it's really funny for her! You're talking about her sex life w/ someone she's never met! That is one open, trusting broad.   (Hi Trisha!)

But, that's how married or seriously committed couples do it... it gets to where the only thing necessary is birth control... and that's only if the partners are both still fertile. It's the beauty of a committed relationship... you no longer have to worry (so long as everyone is being COMPLETELY honest) about STDs.

Brittany:  Yeah. Some call it "fluid bonding." Like poly people. That's what they call it. We're not poly, but that's where I got the term.

Kayla:  Fluid bonding... that sounds almost alien.

Brittany:  She says hi, and she's used to me being obnoxious. Lol.

Kayla:  Ok, hold on... definitions... poly is... polyamorous? Is that right? In layman's terms... swingers?

And that's why she's perfect for you.

Brittany:  Polyamorous. Not necessarily swingers.

Kayla:  Yup... explain.

Brittany:  Like relationships with more than 2 people all together. Like a triad instead of a couple. I'm not an expert, but swinging is more like going out and trading partners for fun and going back home.

Kayla:  Oh, oh, oh... like people who are in a polygamous committed relationship... I get it! Yeah, I think you're right about swingers. I think I understand the difference now.

Brittany: Yeah. I have this book lying around. Give me a minute. I'll go smoke and when I get back I'll find it and tell you the title. You'll learn more that way.

(Cuing up intermission music.  Keep your shirt on, she'll be back... shhh... shhh)

5 minutes later...

Brittany:  Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships - Tristan Taormino
I have a copy and have already read it.

Wait, that was an audio book. This is the book book: http://www.amazon.com/Opening-Up-Creating-Sustaining-Relationships/dp/157344295X/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1340758916&sr=1-1&keywords=opening+up

Kayla:  Oh wow... cool. And it explains the differences between swingers and polyamorous relationships?

This is what I get for being a straight girl in Oklahoma... the big wide world of sexual orientation and activity eludes me sometimes. :}

Brittany:  Yeah, and other types of arrangements people have. Ours is more like "monogamy with benefits," but pretty much in theory only. If we don't have needs the other can't meet, why bother?

Kayla:  That's my perspective. But that's a personal philosophy, I guess... I've always thought a really good relationship shouldn't require any other parties involved. But I'm not judging, that's just how I feel for my life.

Brittany:  Yeah. Well, as it is, it's theoretical, but sex doesn't equal relationship. We're in a partnership because we love each other and want to share life, not because we're fucking each other.

Kayla:  I know... that's why I said it's my personal philosophy for my life, not anyone else's. Sex means different things to different people. You hook up with the ones who jive most closely to your view of relationships.

Brittany:  lol. Not really. Most people seem to look at it that way. And, that book isn't preachy. Just explains some other ways people do things

Kayla:  But not everyone, and that's why there are different kinds of relationships. It's like, "most people" eat meat, but there are some pretty hardcore vegans out there, and am I gonna' judge 'em? Hell no. It's not my life. What the fuck do I know?

Brittany:  More meat for me. It's like, if you don't like snatch, that's cool. More for me.